I haven't had very many jolly things to say this month, have I? Just a little bit I suppose. I have many bad things happen to me during the fall and winter. I don't know how it works out that way, but it just does. I was going to celebrate if I didn't end up in the emergency room for a second year in a row. That didn't happen. I am debating whether I want to get health insurance. The pay keeps getting lower while the cost of health insurance gets higher.
When I was 16, I was still in a world of innocence. I didn't know anything about my family history until I was in high school. I think just a couple days before Christmas, I was hanging out in my room. The phone rang and I picked it up. It was Grandma Maughan.
She wanted to speak to my mom. Come to find out, Grandpa had a heart attack. You know, I think this was Christmas Eve. I distinctly remember he died that day. It was weird for me.
I remember being scared to death of going to the funeral. I have never been to one before. I never been to an open casket funeral either. I stayed in the lobby through it. I saw the casket and Grandpa's hands sitting ever so still. Mom told me that there was nothing to be afraid of. It was just as though he was sleeping.
It is nothing like someone sleeping. I knew he was no longer with us. It scared me. I realized seeing someone "resting" wasn't so bad. I went to Grandma Maughan's funeral and got close to the casket. I wasn't scared that time.
There was something that really bothered me about his funeral. I hated the segregation and the need to control someone. I don't remember who it was, some elderly lady told me that I had to sit with her. Why? I wanted to sit with my dad. I hate when some stranger thinks that they can take control of someone and tell them where to sit. She was a relative, I didn't know her that well.
From then on, I never knew of any family feuds. It's so childish. That's one of those things that makes me want to turn to my father and tell him to grow up. Then again, I think it is sibling rivalry. I think it's natural that brothers and sisters fight. But, geeeez. It feels like everyone is involved. I never really got to see Uncle Tommy. Last time he saw me he was calling me Tara. Talk about uncomfortable silence. I rarely see my Aunt Sherry. I tried to contact her around the time of the funeral and she didn't call back.
If anyone were to ask me about it, I would just say I really don't want to hear about it. I don't want to be involved. I certainly don't want to take sides because I think both sides are being absurd. It gets to the point that nobody speaks to each other. I'm not talking just brother and sister. I am talking whole entire families of the siblings. When Justin and I fight, I don't involve anyone else. My parents had good timing to break us up when it was bad. I don't foresee any feuding between Justin and me. It would be a little odd. Then again, mom found it odd that me and him were having a conversation one night. I would hate to see the same scenario where we don't speak for a long time. It's bad enough we don't really speak that much today.
It doesn't bug me. It's kind of nice to hear a familiar voice every now and again. Now, that I am older I still don't understand. Why can't people just get along? It is so rare these days that families get together and have a barbacue.
I remember going to the grandparents homes on Christmas. I remember cool get togethers during the summer as well. It just seems that everything just faded away. Hmm..you know, I do have a huge backyard. Maybe when things are a little more finincially stable, I will have everyone come over. I think it would be cool to have some kind of pot luck. What do you guys think?
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Need Batteries!
I have been doing the Craigslist thing. I discovered it is pretty fun to find free stuff that can be used and that nobody needs. I tend to get stuff that nobody needs. I have many things that I need to get rid of.
This month, I have been looking for Christmas lights. At random, I will see some free Christmas items. I was going to get some last weekend, somebody else beat me to the punch.
Paul and I went over to dad's house. I wanted to grab a keyboard. I won't even talk about the conversation we had before hand. Let's just say this, he is not willing to give his own daughter things. He is willing to sell things to his daughter. I always drive through Caldwell to get to Wilder. I hate the bad driving on the highway more than the bad driving in town. There have been some really horrible accidents in Nampa lately.
On the way there, there were cop cars lined up along the road. As I drove, I saw a sign that said there was going to be a night light parade. I wanted to stop, but my camera was home. Paul also forgot his winter coat at home. It looked like a pretty good parade, there were chairs lined all the way up the road.
We grabbed dad's keyboard and headed back home. We need to get either a 9v plug in or a bunch of AA batteries. There were flatbeds covered in lights. I think I saw a Jeep covered in lights. I think we made it at the tail end of the parade. We made a decision to go gallivanting down in Boise to see if there were any decorations up.
On the way, I had Paul look on Craigslist on his cell phone. As soon as he was on, there were Christmas decorations for free. He called them up and next thing you know, we were on our way to Eagle for some free stuff.
They gave us a train to go around the tree, white and silver ornaments, and some lights. Yay! The lady showed us a trick her dog can do. This dog gets just as excited as Frank does about carrots. Frank loves carrots and other veggies. The man there offered us a beer. Sadly, I declined. We were on our way to find decorated houses. I don't like drinking alcoholic beverages in a strangers home either. It makes me a little uneasy. They were a very nice couple though. They had a bunch of Christmas stuff to give away and they were splitting up the decorations among people that wanted some. I am pleased with what I received.
You would never think that white ornaments would belong on a white tree. They don't blend in. You can still see the white ornaments. They are shiny so they do stand out. I like it. I have white, purple, and black ornaments. Paul and I decorated the tree finally. If Lonkey eats anything off the tree, she is a dead dog. Nuff said.
Paul put together the track to see how it could fit. He kept on taking some tracks off. There still wasn't enough room. After checking out the train, this as well needs batteries. He kept on wanting to go to Walmart. I told him, I need money to get batteries. They are going to have to wait. (Not to mention that I am pissed at him for not letting me know he sold something again that he owed money for.)
We spent a couple of hours trying to figure out how we can put everything together. I have a small living room so there is limited space. I just rearranged my living room not to long ago. One of my outlets was finally replaced with a new one. I have an extra plug in in the house. Everything was put back to where it was before. Now the tree sits in front of the big window. It is decorated and has a train underneath. It looks really good.
This month, I have been looking for Christmas lights. At random, I will see some free Christmas items. I was going to get some last weekend, somebody else beat me to the punch.
Paul and I went over to dad's house. I wanted to grab a keyboard. I won't even talk about the conversation we had before hand. Let's just say this, he is not willing to give his own daughter things. He is willing to sell things to his daughter. I always drive through Caldwell to get to Wilder. I hate the bad driving on the highway more than the bad driving in town. There have been some really horrible accidents in Nampa lately.
On the way there, there were cop cars lined up along the road. As I drove, I saw a sign that said there was going to be a night light parade. I wanted to stop, but my camera was home. Paul also forgot his winter coat at home. It looked like a pretty good parade, there were chairs lined all the way up the road.
We grabbed dad's keyboard and headed back home. We need to get either a 9v plug in or a bunch of AA batteries. There were flatbeds covered in lights. I think I saw a Jeep covered in lights. I think we made it at the tail end of the parade. We made a decision to go gallivanting down in Boise to see if there were any decorations up.
On the way, I had Paul look on Craigslist on his cell phone. As soon as he was on, there were Christmas decorations for free. He called them up and next thing you know, we were on our way to Eagle for some free stuff.
They gave us a train to go around the tree, white and silver ornaments, and some lights. Yay! The lady showed us a trick her dog can do. This dog gets just as excited as Frank does about carrots. Frank loves carrots and other veggies. The man there offered us a beer. Sadly, I declined. We were on our way to find decorated houses. I don't like drinking alcoholic beverages in a strangers home either. It makes me a little uneasy. They were a very nice couple though. They had a bunch of Christmas stuff to give away and they were splitting up the decorations among people that wanted some. I am pleased with what I received.
You would never think that white ornaments would belong on a white tree. They don't blend in. You can still see the white ornaments. They are shiny so they do stand out. I like it. I have white, purple, and black ornaments. Paul and I decorated the tree finally. If Lonkey eats anything off the tree, she is a dead dog. Nuff said.
Paul put together the track to see how it could fit. He kept on taking some tracks off. There still wasn't enough room. After checking out the train, this as well needs batteries. He kept on wanting to go to Walmart. I told him, I need money to get batteries. They are going to have to wait. (Not to mention that I am pissed at him for not letting me know he sold something again that he owed money for.)
We spent a couple of hours trying to figure out how we can put everything together. I have a small living room so there is limited space. I just rearranged my living room not to long ago. One of my outlets was finally replaced with a new one. I have an extra plug in in the house. Everything was put back to where it was before. Now the tree sits in front of the big window. It is decorated and has a train underneath. It looks really good.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
How Christmas Really Was Stolen
Don't take this as a complaint. My parents divorced a long time ago. Like many kids, I took advantage of it. Hurray, two sets of parents! More gifts! Well, until the sister kept on having children. It makes me wonder if dad will give me a ton of money if I was fucking up my life...on second thought probably not because he would still be spending money on her.
Divorce can cause many changes. For me, it was an awakening. I came to an understanding on what things really were. What my parents are really like. I don't think I really understood anyone. It never occurred to me to even think about it.
Before, I would receive presents from mom and dad together. Maybe a present here and there from the grandparents. When they split in two, I realized I could try to get presents from them both. So, I pretty much got a ton of presents. I was a horrible child. I am probably an evil little child for taking advantage of a situation that was probably already causing a hardship. I didn't know any better.
I think that is something that took the thrill out of the holidays. The only thing that has been keeping me excited are Christmas trees, decorations, and the possibility of eating some kick ass food over at Rick and Joannes.
My advice to those who are going through a divorce and have kids, don't spoil them. Work out some negotiation together. If you cannot contact each other, make the present giving fun. Surprise the kids. When I made a list, I had two lists. The folks would get me everything on the list. Why is that? I never got everything I wanted before. I remember wanting a telescope and a microscope back in the day. I never got them. I am willing to bet I would have been able to get those after the break up. It takes the fun out of trying to figure out what your going to get.
I like the concept of being able to see relatives during the holidays. I am pretty awful about that. I don't think I really acquired the skill to be social. It makes me feel kind of guilty that I don't speak to someone. I spoke to my cousin Lisa last night. I can't remember the last time I saw her. She doesn't really know who I am. She isn't the only one. I have many more cousins that I have never spoken to and probably never even met. There are relatives that I do know that I don't speak to. I don't know what my deal is. I'm super shy and don't have much to say.
Now, that I look like a little monster. I have to go. I got rent to deposit. A father to harass. A plan to make. A job to help someone find. I need to eat something.
Divorce can cause many changes. For me, it was an awakening. I came to an understanding on what things really were. What my parents are really like. I don't think I really understood anyone. It never occurred to me to even think about it.
Before, I would receive presents from mom and dad together. Maybe a present here and there from the grandparents. When they split in two, I realized I could try to get presents from them both. So, I pretty much got a ton of presents. I was a horrible child. I am probably an evil little child for taking advantage of a situation that was probably already causing a hardship. I didn't know any better.
I think that is something that took the thrill out of the holidays. The only thing that has been keeping me excited are Christmas trees, decorations, and the possibility of eating some kick ass food over at Rick and Joannes.
My advice to those who are going through a divorce and have kids, don't spoil them. Work out some negotiation together. If you cannot contact each other, make the present giving fun. Surprise the kids. When I made a list, I had two lists. The folks would get me everything on the list. Why is that? I never got everything I wanted before. I remember wanting a telescope and a microscope back in the day. I never got them. I am willing to bet I would have been able to get those after the break up. It takes the fun out of trying to figure out what your going to get.
I like the concept of being able to see relatives during the holidays. I am pretty awful about that. I don't think I really acquired the skill to be social. It makes me feel kind of guilty that I don't speak to someone. I spoke to my cousin Lisa last night. I can't remember the last time I saw her. She doesn't really know who I am. She isn't the only one. I have many more cousins that I have never spoken to and probably never even met. There are relatives that I do know that I don't speak to. I don't know what my deal is. I'm super shy and don't have much to say.
Now, that I look like a little monster. I have to go. I got rent to deposit. A father to harass. A plan to make. A job to help someone find. I need to eat something.
Friday, December 4, 2009
When I was Younger
I think my best Christmas's were when I was young and innocent. I actually believed in Santa. I don't remember when I quit believing. I think I overheard someone talking about what a sham it was.
My parents had this fake tree that had to be put together piece by piece. It was still convenient, they didn't have to put the needles into the branches. I liked the decorations. There was this little pink doll ornament that always drew my attention.
As the decorations were put up, there was Disney Christmas carols playing on the stereo system that had a record player. I liked that old school record player. It had those huge headphones. I think we kept messing the record player up by bouncing around all the time as it played. The stereo system remained relatively quiet. Dad had a collection of racy comedy albums. I don't remember it being on very often.
I liked Christmas morning. It was so thrilling to see all of those wrapped up gifts under the tree. I always liked what I got. Sometimes there was always something huge waiting for Justin and I. I got a doll house for my Barbies. I think I have it somewhere still. I think I got my purple bike. It was sold later on down the road. I got a ten speed.
I think I rode my nice new bike. I think I also had a new pair of snow boots. They were these grey, rubber boots.
I quit riding the bike after a while. When mom gave me my current bike, I gave my ten speed away to good will. I never had any skills to sell it. I held on to it for so long because of the sentimental value.
My parents had this fake tree that had to be put together piece by piece. It was still convenient, they didn't have to put the needles into the branches. I liked the decorations. There was this little pink doll ornament that always drew my attention.
As the decorations were put up, there was Disney Christmas carols playing on the stereo system that had a record player. I liked that old school record player. It had those huge headphones. I think we kept messing the record player up by bouncing around all the time as it played. The stereo system remained relatively quiet. Dad had a collection of racy comedy albums. I don't remember it being on very often.
I liked Christmas morning. It was so thrilling to see all of those wrapped up gifts under the tree. I always liked what I got. Sometimes there was always something huge waiting for Justin and I. I got a doll house for my Barbies. I think I have it somewhere still. I think I got my purple bike. It was sold later on down the road. I got a ten speed.
I think I rode my nice new bike. I think I also had a new pair of snow boots. They were these grey, rubber boots.
I quit riding the bike after a while. When mom gave me my current bike, I gave my ten speed away to good will. I never had any skills to sell it. I held on to it for so long because of the sentimental value.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Get On The Ball
I went to my first day at EDS today. It was pretty cool. The instructor is funny. We talked about the history of HP and EDS. I learned a ton of cool stuff. I never realized how much stuff HP has done. I also learned more about Ross Perot. I never learned that much about him in government. Pretty cool history.
We also got on to the topic of infomercials. We talked about the Snuggie and Billy Mays. Someone said something about a remix of Billy's insurance commercial. I have been digging around and I have not found it.
Wells Fargo finally called me. Unfortunately, it was during my first day in training. I called them and told them that I am working at a new job. I will apply to them again if this doesn't work. It would not be benefitial for me to leave my new job and wait until Januarary. I wouldn't have received any unemployment if thta happened.
I am still doing really good in school so far. This past week has been really difficult. Hopefully, I did good at it.
I have to go to bed here soon. Another day to get up real early. I have to wake up at about 4:30am. It sucks.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Oh Christmas Tree
I am having a debate on whether or not I want to put my tree up this year. Many people are saying that, right? I had friends last month that already wanted to put up their Christmas decorations. I was tempted to do so myself. It was two weeks into November. I don't think anyone could help it. All of the stores went from Halloween to Christmas. They skipped Thanksgiving.
I don't mind putting everything up and then taking it down again. Mom bought me my first Christmas tree. It is white and has the lights on it already. I was hoping for a fiber optic tree. Fiber optic plants are kind of tacky. I love them, I think they are pretty. I think it's because I enjoy technology. Not very many people do like it as much as I do.
I have a huge collection of ornaments. I have old ornaments going back to when I was in kindergarten. I have this ugly, yellow yarn man that I made. I also have an ornament that I made in art when I was in middle school. I have random objects like bells, apples, and candy canes. I have a number of cat ornaments. Despite all the catnapping, I do like cats. I have a couple of puppy ones. I have a couple of Santa ornaments. One is in a box office and the other is on a flamingo. I have one Catwoman. I would like to have more Batman ornaments. I was going to get an ornament with a picture of a schnauzer on it, I decided that I could not afford it. I keep on looking at the stuff over at Cost Plus. I like the stuff that looks like it should be from an organic store.
I almost had more. Mom gave me a couple of boxes of Christmas decorations to go through. I grabbed some random stuff and gave the rest to good will. She gave me this singing tree at one point. I don't know what happened to it. I think it got destroyed throughout all of the moving I have done. I am always packing things up and moving somewhere. I have another miniature white Christmas tree and a little purple skirt.
I bought that little tree when I was living in that apartment in the basement. I think it was a week before Christmas, I fell down the stairs and sprained my ankle. Never rent from those people downtown. The roofing company would not take responsibility and neither would the land lord. I was responsible for what they had to take care of. I left them as soon as my lease was over. I will forever give both of those companies a bad name.
The reason I am a bit leery about putting out the Christmas decor is because of the room mates dog. She is a bit destructive. He will let her run around the house when nobody is home. Which is something I do not appreciate. I let him know a few times. I feel like I have a bunch of kids in the house. I am always repeating to not do something over and over again. I am afraid that she will grab stuff off the tree and chew it up. The idiot owner doesn't watch her or clean up after her. I wish Paul would hurry up and get a job so I can go on with my plan to get rid of Zack. I am so tired of this stress. I already have enough.
Maybe I will just put the tree up. I have a few random things that I can decorate the house with.
I don't mind putting everything up and then taking it down again. Mom bought me my first Christmas tree. It is white and has the lights on it already. I was hoping for a fiber optic tree. Fiber optic plants are kind of tacky. I love them, I think they are pretty. I think it's because I enjoy technology. Not very many people do like it as much as I do.
I have a huge collection of ornaments. I have old ornaments going back to when I was in kindergarten. I have this ugly, yellow yarn man that I made. I also have an ornament that I made in art when I was in middle school. I have random objects like bells, apples, and candy canes. I have a number of cat ornaments. Despite all the catnapping, I do like cats. I have a couple of puppy ones. I have a couple of Santa ornaments. One is in a box office and the other is on a flamingo. I have one Catwoman. I would like to have more Batman ornaments. I was going to get an ornament with a picture of a schnauzer on it, I decided that I could not afford it. I keep on looking at the stuff over at Cost Plus. I like the stuff that looks like it should be from an organic store.
I almost had more. Mom gave me a couple of boxes of Christmas decorations to go through. I grabbed some random stuff and gave the rest to good will. She gave me this singing tree at one point. I don't know what happened to it. I think it got destroyed throughout all of the moving I have done. I am always packing things up and moving somewhere. I have another miniature white Christmas tree and a little purple skirt.
I bought that little tree when I was living in that apartment in the basement. I think it was a week before Christmas, I fell down the stairs and sprained my ankle. Never rent from those people downtown. The roofing company would not take responsibility and neither would the land lord. I was responsible for what they had to take care of. I left them as soon as my lease was over. I will forever give both of those companies a bad name.
The reason I am a bit leery about putting out the Christmas decor is because of the room mates dog. She is a bit destructive. He will let her run around the house when nobody is home. Which is something I do not appreciate. I let him know a few times. I feel like I have a bunch of kids in the house. I am always repeating to not do something over and over again. I am afraid that she will grab stuff off the tree and chew it up. The idiot owner doesn't watch her or clean up after her. I wish Paul would hurry up and get a job so I can go on with my plan to get rid of Zack. I am so tired of this stress. I already have enough.
Maybe I will just put the tree up. I have a few random things that I can decorate the house with.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
National AIDS Day
It is National AIDS Day. Alicia Keys is to perform live on YouTube. I guess I don't have to worry about recording it on my DVR. I lost interest in Alicia. Like many young artists, she is a sell out.
I would like to blog about the victims of this virus. I am not talking about those who were irresponsible. The ones who did drugs and the ones who decided that they were Don Juan. I think those people should be condemned.
I condemn prostitutes. I condemn those who made the decision to have sex with them.
I hate the fact that we live in a world that will not educate anyone about sex and what the outcome will be. It's not just about babies or pleasure. You can get disease. You can spread disease. This does not matter if you use a condom or not. I think that every country on this globe is shy about talking about the possibilities. Why? This can help prevent bad things from happening. What is wrong with planning the future instead of having a surprise?
Today, on AIDS Day, I will be thinking of Africa. I saw a documentary on HBO about the suspicion on how the virus started. The documentary spoke of the vaccine for polio. They stated that the vaccine came from chimps. The doctors went to Africa to vaccinate Africans. They used these chimpanzees that carried a virus that is linked to HIV.
In Africa, there is quite a bit of distress. It is filled with those who carry around machetes. They butcher people. They kidnap children. They rape girls and women. This happens other countries. The attention is more so drawn to Africa. I don't know much about this country. I know that it is really violent there. Especially, in places that are poor.
There is a documentary called I Am Because We Are. It is a touching movie. Many children have been orphaned because of this disease. Malawi is one of the poorest places in the world. There are hardly any adults that live here. Can you imagine if that was going on here? The United States would be over run with children without adult supervision.
I know what your thinking, it's a Madonna flick. I think people should watch this even though someone scandalous made it. You may not realize this, but Madonna is actually a smart person. She has an intellect that would probably floor you. Instead of watching Alicia Keys singing on YouTube, you should go to Hulu and watch I Am Because We Are. Many things would be brought to your attention.
http://www.iambecauseweare.com/
http://www.raisingmalawi.org/
I would like to blog about the victims of this virus. I am not talking about those who were irresponsible. The ones who did drugs and the ones who decided that they were Don Juan. I think those people should be condemned.
I condemn prostitutes. I condemn those who made the decision to have sex with them.
I hate the fact that we live in a world that will not educate anyone about sex and what the outcome will be. It's not just about babies or pleasure. You can get disease. You can spread disease. This does not matter if you use a condom or not. I think that every country on this globe is shy about talking about the possibilities. Why? This can help prevent bad things from happening. What is wrong with planning the future instead of having a surprise?
Today, on AIDS Day, I will be thinking of Africa. I saw a documentary on HBO about the suspicion on how the virus started. The documentary spoke of the vaccine for polio. They stated that the vaccine came from chimps. The doctors went to Africa to vaccinate Africans. They used these chimpanzees that carried a virus that is linked to HIV.
In Africa, there is quite a bit of distress. It is filled with those who carry around machetes. They butcher people. They kidnap children. They rape girls and women. This happens other countries. The attention is more so drawn to Africa. I don't know much about this country. I know that it is really violent there. Especially, in places that are poor.
There is a documentary called I Am Because We Are. It is a touching movie. Many children have been orphaned because of this disease. Malawi is one of the poorest places in the world. There are hardly any adults that live here. Can you imagine if that was going on here? The United States would be over run with children without adult supervision.
I know what your thinking, it's a Madonna flick. I think people should watch this even though someone scandalous made it. You may not realize this, but Madonna is actually a smart person. She has an intellect that would probably floor you. Instead of watching Alicia Keys singing on YouTube, you should go to Hulu and watch I Am Because We Are. Many things would be brought to your attention.
http://www.iambecauseweare.com/
http://www.raisingmalawi.org/
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