Tragedy

There are no words to describe how I feel. I am a movie patron and I worked at movie theaters for four years. I worked at them when Columbine occurred. Columbine happened not too long after I graduated high school. I read a comment that someone made on an article about the recent shootings in Colorado. This individual asked, how can this affect the nation? Why raise the flags half mast? I can respect where this person is coming from because violence exists anywhere. I will tell you how it does make an impact on the nation. People claim this is the biggest massacre in history. This is a fallacy because I am aware of massacres that happened in the hundreds in this country. I have experienced first hand how a tragedy impacts our country negatively. When Columbine happened, I was not in shock. I was not in shock because I was bullied by students and teachers. The only thing that shocks me is the footage. It saddens me to watch it. It saddened me more when I saw footage that the teens made. They were bullied in school. The nation was mortified with the shootings and used the scape goat fallacy and blamed it on the movies. Really? Think about this, Stephen King wrote a story about a student who brought a gun to school and I didn't hear anyone blaming him. He didn't even consider removing the book from the shelf until recent school violence. People were blaming violent movies and Marilyn Manson. Why? People did not realize that one of these teens were fascinated with violence and Hitler. People could not conceive that possibly just maybe that they were being bullied. They blamed the movies. This was my occupation at the time and this made my job difficult. Mr. President made a stipulation that just about everyone must be carded. If they were too young to watch an R rated movie, they could not attend a movie. Parents could not just simply buy tickets and drop off the children. Nope, minors were required to be under adult supervision at a movie theater. No exceptions. I can only imagine how things will be now that the violence happened at a movie theater instead of a school. I think it is heart wrenching because the theater is my favorite place to be. It overwhelms me to think what would happen if that occurred in Idaho. There was already a shooting at the Meridian theater. Some man sat in the parking lot with his daughter. He shot her and then he took his own life. Yes, this is a national tragedy because this is something that does impact other communities. My heart goes out to all those who were in the theater when the incident happened. My heart goes out to the people who work at the movie theater. My heart goes out to Colorado. I think that it is a national tragedy because movies have been an important part of our lives for a long time. Whether anyone realizes it or not. The movie theaters were a place to go to escape the poor economy. Movie theaters were the place to go for people to learn a little bit of English. Movie theaters were the place to go to learn how to read. Now, it is a place to escape and some individual destroyed that innocence. It's bad enough the people that work there for minimum wage and tolerate politics about the rating system. Now, they have to worry about people committing violent acts. It's not just Colorado or New York; it is the entire nation.

Fact or Fiction

Selling Stuff

Where we last left off, I had purchased new tires. I have not paid that bill off yet. Then the new car problem turned my balance into 1,300. Fan freaking tastic. So, I decided to sell some stuff. I sold my headboard today. I am gathering some money to get rid of the American Express bill. Then it is the Chase account. I am kind of looking for another room mate. Not too thrilled about it because it just makes all the other bills rise. I was hoping to turn the extra room into an office...I don't believe that will happen. I could work overtime. I should. The last week of July is a bit short handed. Hopefully I get my motivation back. I am not thrilled that everything is happening at the same time when I have one pay day this month. Don't you know I have enough bills? This crap is going to max out my credit cards. I hope to sell my DirecTv equipment. I have no use for it and that moron of a company will not make any money off of me. Nope. The plus news is that the clattering noise has stopped in the car. They took the engine apart and replaced the timing belt. They found a couple more belts to replace. So, I should be good. I do need new brakes and I need to flush the radiator. I wish I knew someone that could help me fix it without forking out another couple hundred dollars. I practically bought myself another car, didn't I?

I Can't Sleep

At a time when I need friends, there are none here. I cannot call anyone to borrow a car. I can't call anyone to give me a ride to me car in the morning. Nobody is home. I am facing anxiety and trying to find people to talk to. I cannot afford another bill. I cannot afford a cab. My bike is broken. My car has been giving me trouble when starting up after I get off of work. The day before yesterday it took longer to start. I had to turn the ignition twice. Yesterday, I turned the key longer and could smell gas. Today, it started fine but it died when I got to Nampa. I'm not within walking distance. A couple helped me push the car into a parking lot. They gave me a ride home. They were the only contact through this whole ordeal. Everyone I did contact do not live anywhere near me. I wanted to go to the library in the morning. I'm pissed. I cannot run any errands. I do not even have a way to go to work because I need to be present for the tow truck in the morning.

The Introvert

Ever since I moved here to Nampa, I haven't had a chance to socialize. Even more so with college. I hate starting from scratch because I spent many years without friends to speak to when I lived in Boise. Even though she is a two-faced bitch, Liz was someone who introduced me to a social life. She helped me through a difficult phase in my life. There were things that I stopped doing after hanging out with her. She is a bad influence, but she is one of the best things that happened to me. The more people that said what a shit talker she was, the less impressed I was with her. I even look at the photos of her and her new family and I see what a phony she is. I have a hard time socializing because people cause nothing but drama. I have to socialize because communication is the way humans survive. It is one of the only things that motivate me. Even when I am talking to my co-workers. I may be talking at them sometimes, but I need a social outlet. I am having a hard time reaching out because all I want is the presence of another. I feel like I am intruding on the lives of others when that is not my intention. I have a hard time being motivated because people quit talking to me and start talking shit to other people. People do not return phone calls or texts. People delete themselves from friends lists. Shannon is another good person that I know. I recently was supposed to meet up with her and some others to watch a movie. When I made it, I felt really emotional and overwhelmed. It has been two years since I have seen her last. I haven't even met her first born. I felt crushed because I have been anticipating hanging out with her. I felt mad at myself because I have been trying so hard to spend time with people. I bitch about it all the time, but I am too nervous about meeting people I already know. Even worse, I get scared when I am in the presence of complete strangers. It doesn't matter how friendly they are, I can't talk to them and look them in the face while doing so. I don't know if it is because I work on the phone. Every once in a while I have to tolerate belligerence and it reminds me of how shady people can be. I have a hard time wanting to be around people.

I Waste The Day on Games

I'm Random

He's soooooo cute!