Should Be Friendly, but...

I want you guys to know what I am feeling. I want people to know that I did not go off for no reason. Should I be ashamed? Probably. However, I really do not care because I have been tolerating a ton and not saying too much. So, I live in a money pit now. I have a huge hole around a tree stump in the front yard. I did not dig that nor did I ask. I have a hole above the door. I have fences in places that I need to take them down. I did not do any of that. I have caulking around my windows that I am having a hard time removing without damaging the windows.
It is bad enough I am emotionally hung over. In the beginning of this carnival, my garbage can was missing. It was across the street. I had to argue to get what I pay for every other month back. If my yard was inside a house that I could lock, I would be happy.
He was borrowing my hose, sprinkler, and lawnmower...without asking first. I feel like I am being used. Much like being stolen from by Sandy like she did my guy. It was her that was bringing him gifts before I dumped him. He got a new watch and new clothes. There is no way I am going to believe that it was platonic.
I told him, ask me first. Put it back and the answer is no. He is sneaky about returning the items. He does not come and say hello and he does even say thank-you. Why does he feel the need to walk all over me?
Then, he posted pictures of engagement rings. Oh la dee da, my daughter deserves a good mother and blah, blah, blah. That is it, I am tired of this. That arrogant prick told me that I was cheating on him all the time. So, I went off on him. I will be damn sure that they do not cross my path ever again.
I ranted and I posted the video. He goes off how I am threatening him. The phrase was specifically that he ruined my home and I hope she has insurance for the damage that he will do to hers. He said that was a threat. He told me that he recorded everything and will take it to the police. For what? I was not threatening anyone. And he thinks he can tell me what videos to post? What? Incriminating evidence of the crap I am enduring from him? Go ahead, I tell him. That only will give me leverage.
I told me to not have anyone associated with me to contact him. Excuse me? I never told anyone to contact him. People had my back at their own will. I told him that they are not welcome on my property ever again and I certainly did not like seeing her in my backyard. He told me that since I went off, he will not fix what he damaged. Um, yeah, and perhaps I can take him to small claims...thinking about it.
So, he was also avoiding available jobs and trying really hard to get the job with the government. I asked him, "What if they don't hire you?" He refused to answer the question. 8/20 came and went, I asked him, when are you supposed to pay me back? He stated, "When I get a job, dumb, dumb." I asked him about the one job. He said things don't always work as planned. I told him, "That is is exactly what I said, wasn't it?"...dumb dumb.
When will this ever stop? They are across the freaking street. It feels so demeaning. It makes me more and more mad thinking about everything that I have to fix and all the time I do not have to do it. I feel incredibly stupid for even helping him or dating him. I should have let him leave the first time he went off on me about crap that had nothing to do with him. Coulda, shoulda, woulda.
I am glad we are not together. The whole situation feels condescending, coniving, and unforgiveable. I just wish I dumped him sooner before he wrecked my home.
On a positive note, I have a room mate moving in soon. There is a new opening for the position that I want. I just hope I don't get burned out before I can get it.

The World Today

You know how leery I am about letting other people live here. Things vanish, get broken, and get moved. I have a hard time finding someone decent to live here. People today do not have a car. What? I have a car and I commute, what the freak is going on?
So, guy number one. (Women are not responding to my ad.) This fellow had came down from Alaska and is a fisherman. Problem, he is in Emmett and does not have a car to drive here. Here is my dilemma, I have a paper due and the spell check was down so I am on schedule...not ahead. His family or friends cannot bring him here because of drama. Really? Why is that?
Fellow number two, just arrived in Boise. Keeps calling me while I am on the highway. I would have to meet him after work on Monday. Do I have the time? Probably not because I have to begin research for my final project for two classes and I have a 1,500 word essay due every week.
Fellow number three, very thick Spanish accent. Lives in a house by himself. I told him I have a boyfriend that lives here. It almost seems that every guy that calls is under the impression that I am looking for a date. It's absurd.
What is really pissing me off are the people that do not have a vehicle and do not know their way around Nampa...or Idaho for that matter. I do not have any time whatsoever. I do not have enough money to be driving to another town to meet someone. Not to mention, it would be a situation where I would be expected to play taxi driver. The answer is no, okay?
I got to go. I have a car to pay for so I can get around and a deposit to make. Almost time to start doing direct deposit. Too bad the time card isn't something I can slide a card into. I miss that about other jobs. I have to enter time into a time card every week. The current one I have to make up a complicated password and I do not have a way to use a link to get to the website for the time card.

Been Busy

So, plenty of my tree branch is gone. Rick came over to chop it up. Today, half of it was removed. I still have a few limbs that dad said he will come and get. Leaves are everywhere.
Yesterday, I saw my cousin Randy Jo. I was sitting minding my own business when she appeared. The person that lead her in sat her next to me. So, she got to listen to my crazy calls for about a couple of hours. She is a little nervous. I told her that the customers are not so bad. Much of the job takes practice and when I began, I didn't know anything. Come to think about it, the next person knows as much as I do.
When I got home, I decided to water the grass. I was calling around to see what I could do about Frank. He's been paying attention to this pink circle on his bottom. I am getting aggravated because I did not have enough to make a house payment. The last of my retirement was just transferred to my checking account. Of all the crazy crap. So, I decided to water everything. I am by myself to do yard work and I cannot remember how to start my stinking lawnmower.
I work in the garden until I realize my cell phone was on the table that was being showered by the sprinkler. Great. I don't want another agreement. I have been avoiding it like the plague. I make snide remarks about how Sprint wants to give me a measly $50 to re-join for 2 years. Seriously, not worth it.
So, I move the phone and take it apart so it can dry. Slowly but surely, it will work. I had to run around looking for an older phone. I found it, but all of the information that was stored in it was gone. At least, I can call a vet for Frank. So, I have been trying to gather numbers until my other phone is working again.
Today,I took Frank to the vet. It cost me $175 and I have to nurse him for a few days. Some gland ruptured and got infected. Poor dog. Right now, Frank is a little bit loopy and growly and whiny.
I went to the interview. I was a success; however, my accommodations do not match what she can do. I told her I can do pretty much anything, I am online doing school. She only had ten hour shifts available. I could do it as long as there is not a tedious amount of overtime. Until next time. I should be rolling over to HP soon, so I have something else to look forward to.
Other cool news, I found a praying mantis on my house. It is in the garden right now. I am really tired right now. I spent a little bit picking up leaves. I need to clean the house. I would have someone looking at the room but the guy seems to be a creep to me. Hopefully, this round with the American Classifieds will help. Last time, I had an ad for a whole month and nobody called. The paper is free for crying out loud!!
so, happy thoughts. I get paid on Friday. Until I get a new room mate, minimum payments.

Relationship No No

There is more to the story that I hardly ever spoke of. Sometime around the beginning of my relationship with Paul, I should have let him go back to Twin Falls. He would read writing that I wrote months before I ever knew him.
He would take it personal and send me messages because it freaked him out. He thought everything I wrote was about him. If I hate something about my life, he took it personal. Going to my writing and turning it into drama is grounds for terminating a relationship. I should have ended it at that.
He would tell me that I am dating other guys. I should have. I have no time to see other people let alone go out and have fun. I have been supporting him and taking him out. He thought I had time?
I have male friends that are platonic. Yes, I did date Doug. No, I did not want to tell him because he got upset at my writing for no apparent reason. I made some comments on Facebook and Doug responded to them. Paul came along and made a rude comment whenever Doug said anything. Doug started to send me messages directly to avoid offending Paul. He was unapologetic about it. He got jealous about other people that I would mention. He would say, "Do you ever mention your girlfriends?"
Yes, I do. I talk about girls that are my friends. I do not mention them very often because I do not speak to them very often. He said the same thing every single time I spoke of a guy that I know. Or if it was a girl with a guy's name.
So, along came Sandy. For about a couple of weeks before I dumped him, he was hanging out with her. I was waking up alone. He said that he was trying to leave me alone so I can do my homework. Until three or six in the morning? I don't believe him. He said that she is a single mother and is 44. What difference does that make? I'm flirting with someone who is 38, what does that tell you?
Today, I am pissed at Paul, Sandy, and my dad. Why my dad? Because, when he got a doorknob, he did not get one with a deadbolt. Now, I don't have one key for all of the doors. In fact, I do not have any keys for the back door. I was dumb and locked myself out this morning.
I am pissed at Paul for getting rid of my spare doorknobs that I do have a key to and switching all of the doorknobs all the time. He said he cannot find the bag of doorknobs. Honestly, I think he sold them to make a profit for himself. He sold all of my weed mat for a profit. I paid for his bike, he sold it and never paid me back.
I am pissed at Sandy for letting him stay over there in the first place. I am stuck being alone and helpless. I cannot afford to get rid of the tree that fell. I do not have the time to fix the hole in the wall that Paul made. He was busy with her and his shit to even fix anything. I cannot get in touch with Paul to get some help.
I go across the street. Paul is not there. Her teenage daughter answered the door. He was at the YMCA where Sandy works. I am screwed. I am pissed. I said that her mother is a slut.
This is the only time Paul is responding. He said that it is wrong for me to a call a 44 year old mother a slut to her 14 year old daughter. He was rude to my friends. Him and Sandy walked all over me. He has the brass to tell me what I can and cannot say? Think about it. Her daughter is a teenager and old enough to realize that it would be a battle ground to be hanging out with one of her friends boyfriend. He is showing the kids that it is okay to date someone and sleep at another woman's house.
Come to think about it, if it were me, it would be okay for him to talk to me like that. Wouldn't it? There is a double standard going on. I was suspected of sleeping around because of stories I wrote. I was suspected of sleeping around because I have male friends. Now, that I am suspect him of doing it, I can't say anything?
I don't know when this will ever be over. I just can't get over that fact. I wake up every morning remembering all the crap he did to me and I have to take it sitting down silently. It probably wasn't right to say it in front of her daughter.
If my mom did that when I was 14, I would expect the same thing. You do not have someone else's boyfriend stay at your house. If it were me and I had a teenage daughter and I had someone else's boyfriend staying at my house, I would be a shame to society. There would be a big fat girl fight. If it was because of the kid, sounds like she needs to discipline her kid to go to bed at a curfew. Hello??? Someone needs to lecture Sandy. Apparently, she is either screwing him or she needs a lecture on what you should not do when it is the neighbors boyfriend.
Paul said that she wants to be my friend. I don't want to be her friend. I hate both Paul and Sandy for all of this shit. Paul did not have the decency to ask if her things can be stored in my house. He never asked if it was okay to move the modem.
I finally got the key to the deadbolt. He had the keys because he has things to fix. He finally put a new door knob on the door to the kitchen. He was going to help with the tree, it is still there. More branches are in the backyard killing the grass. I text a guy if he knew anyone that can help me with the tree. He does know someone. I just hope it doesn't cost me a bunch because I am running out of money.

Time for a little break

Just a few more days and my classes are doubling again. Just two more classes. I kind of took a break from my final project tonight. Last week of class is a struggle to participate for some odd reason.
Tomorrow morning, I think I will take Frank to get his nails done. Then, it is off to mom's house. I get more stuff done that way. Maybe it's because I can listen to the television in the background. I stay home and I have no television and all I want to do is watch Youtube.
This morning was an interesting event. I was up late as it is. Then, at approximately 2:30am, I felt like something smacked my body. This loud crack noise woke me up. I thought about getting up to see what happened. I didn't think anything of it and dozed off again.
I get out of bed at about 7:30 am and I let Frank outside. I was vaguelly remembering some strange occurance. I walk Frank out to make sure the fence is shut. There is another present my Dutch elm left me. The other half of the branch that fell not too long ago. Weird. Now, that I cannot afford to rent a chainsaw.
I don't know if anyone would be willing to help me get rid of the enormous branch in the backyard. Luckily, the other trees were around to keep it from causing serious damage. My concern was that it would make me a close neighbor without a fence. Either that or fall on my house or on the electric line.
I'm going to go to bed now. I have a tone to do tomorrow and for the next couple of days. Need to make the projects perfect.

I'm Responsible Why?

It has been quiet around the house. Nothing else is misplaced. The only thing that is misplaced are Paul's keys. He has been looking everywhere for them. Personally, I think the kids grabbed them and lost them somewhere. They were playing in his car a few days ago.
I pay for my bills for the house. Paul did take Sandy's stuff out of my house. I am not a storage unit. He has been doing yard work at her house and helping her clean out the drive way.
My garbage can that can be used was missing. I am pissed because I just paid $84 for the utilities and my garbage can was at Sandy's. Who the hell does that? Seriously. I am not chipping in for someone else's garbage. I have other garbage cans that he can use.
The key words are, "ASK ME." Never once did he ask me if it is okay to do something. He just up and does it. I sent him a text to give me my garbage can back and that I paid the bill. He has no right. He is over there, not over here.
I find it aggravating that I have to call dispatch just to get a point across to ask me first. I will be pissed off if I have to take him to court just to break up with him. It almost feels like he thinks we were married. There is a difference between marriage and dating. I can kick someone out without any strings attached, that is the difference.
So, anyway, he told me that he had the garbage can and would empty it out. Then he told me that he would give it back...as soon as he found his keys. Excuse the fuck out of me? He did this a couple of times before where he thought he needed something accomplished first when I needed something back, or rather a someone.
Instead of turning this into a legal matter, I sent him a message back. I asked him why I was responsible for him losing his keys and to put the garbage can back in my yard. I paid a bill that I cannot afford and he has not EVER paid for any of the bills.
So, the garbage can was back when I came home. Not to say that we are fighting. But this is the dumbest thing that happened. Supposedly, he is going to work on the yard. I have been coming home at night and the lawn isn't mowed and I have to water all the plant life. He said he is going to get my groceries. I hope so, there were a few things that I had to buy while playing the waiting game.
In other news, I picked my first garlic out of my garden. It smells really yummy. I think the rest will stay in the ground for now. The one I picked was kind of small.
And now, since I am addicted, I am prescribing a Danny a day to keep the mental doctor away.