Time for New Chapter

I have been going through plenty and I do not have time for anything. I am tired of it. Ever since October, I have been waking up wondering why I even own a house. I have been in the same house for six years. I moved into the house with the same car I have now and the same dog I have now. Doesn't anyone get a house to start a life? I have done no such thing. I still have a shitty dating life; nobody wants a commitment WITH ME. Men run off to marry the neighbor across the street. Men run off to another state or country and get married. Nobody takes me with them. Nobody cares to take me with them or make an effort to help me get out of here. My friends in Boise tell me to move back and I ask, "What for? Do you know that was where I moved from?" It's the same situation in Boise and I HATE IDAHO!! If I am going to be moving anywhere, it is going to be away from here. I am already alone. I asked why anyone wants me to move to Boise or stay in Idaho. I am told that my friends and family are here. I am told my friends will miss me. Well, if they miss me so bad, how come I am alone at home every Saturday night? OMG, fuck you. I am certainly not going to go to church for a social life. I am not going to meet up groups because they are strangers and I don't know anyone. It doesn't help that I do not trust a soul especially after that CUNT Bianca. What a piece of crap; I am not ready to tell the story yet. I will have to show screen shots of all of the horrible things she has said. She is such a miserable bitch her parents are not even talking to her. NO IT DOES NOT MATTER if you do a background check. Next person who tells me that deserves to be slapped. What the do you think I have been doing and who do you think you are for lecturing me to do something when I am an adult? I have EVERY right to say something about what is going on in my life and I am SICK of people lecturing me when I say something. I am not going to keep things bottled up. If I am going through distress or a crappy experience I am NOT asking for your opinion. Especially, if you think you are an expert on me and have information from another party and not myself. TIRED OF IT. This has been going on my entire life. I live a life of solitude and silence and I cannot take it anymore. I want to leave. I am tired of people treating me like shit and abusing me. I am tired of not being able to have any type of emotion whatsoever. I am tired of being in an environment where people talk about me to others behind my back. Everyone is the expert of me when nobody has ever heard my side of the story. Rami had to go to Iraq back in October. He told me there was trouble. I was worried sick about him. He did not let me say good bye. He didn't even let me know when he came back. I thought that his cousins were threatening to kill his family. All I could picture was ISIS capturing and murdering him. His friends would not tell me what was going on. Good ol' SKANKY Krista Hissner started sending me messages on Tango as soon as he left. She said, "You know why he went to Iraq??? I do!!" God, why would a slut think that I would listen to her when she is obviously being a malicious bitch? I told her once more to leave me alone (I already blocked her on Facebook after telling her that I did not want to share him with her.) and I blocked her on yet another social media device. I wanted to hear it from Rami...not a WHORE. What confused me was that he called me. He was trying to buy me shoes. We couldn't figure it out. As long as he called, I knew he was alive and okay. About a couple days later, his friend posted a picture of Rami's car and it had decorations on it. In Arabic he congratulated Rami on his marriage. I never felt so hurt because this was the sixth time that this has happened to me. I lost yet another friend in the process. I cussed him out for hiding what Rami was doing. I cussed Rami out for not telling me what was going on. I was more infuriated with him because I was supposed to be a friend of his and he told everyone else including that slut Krista. What the fuck is with everyone??? He stated he was trying to keep me from being hurt. By being dishonest? I showed him the messages that Krista up and sent me without me instigating any conversation. I told him how he expected me to trust him or anyone else again? Do you not understand the damage you have caused? He seemed disgusted. Rami sneered, "Why does she have to be like that?" My thought was because he was probably fucking her!! I was in severe pain during the weekend and stayed in bed taking pain medication. Why does this keep happening to me? Why can't ANY man do me the courtesy of telling me instead of leaving me hanging and not able to let go? I tried to find comfort. He told me that I could not come because his brothers and cousin was there. I researched Iraqi culture and they marry their cousins there. This gave me no comfort whatsoever because I realized that he did not lie that his cousin was there...that was his wife. I am already overwhelmed. I tried to have a normal conversation with his friend who I lost trust in. His friend slipped and said that him and Krista were not together anymore. I flipped out. I was pissed that she (who supposedly had a boyfriend) touched the very person I told her I did not want to share. I was pissed at Rami most of all. He got jealous when one of my male friends were coming to help me at the house. He got jealous after I thought we broke up of another man. He told me to not sleep with anyone else while he was away. Why would I when I have no interest in anyone else anymore? I was pissed because I asked him so many times. I was pissed because there were so many things I saw that made me suspicious of him that he blatantly lied to my face about. I said the nastiest things to him. This sucks because I love him, even though he told me not to. I cannot help it. He tells me so much that he likes me. He tells me he misses me. He told me that he is not happy with the marriage and that he tried to stop it. My thought is, if you are in America and they are in Iraq tell them to fuck off. God, if you are in a country that gives you that freedom why travel back to get stuck in another predicament. Want to prevent it? DON'T GO!! Perhaps he missed his family that much? Perhaps his cousins were going to kill someone? He probably didn't want any other tragedies to be "his fault." I stay with him. I stay with him because I know he likes me. I stay with him because I give up. All I can think of is how bad I want to leave. There are more women than men in the state of Idaho. People do not socialize and accept others here. I have so much to take care of on the house by myself. Huge yard=me. Several trees falling apart=me. Plumbing=me. Electrical=me. Siding= me. It is so bad, I don't even have time to work? What is the point? For credit? Men say, "What do you mean? You are independent, have a job, and own a house!" For what? Just to be by myself and die alone? I want to grow old with someone, why can't I have a chance at anything? I have been here for six years and nothing has changed in my life other than a degree and a different employer. I don't know where to go. I cannot even research that without getting a virus on the computer. God, I am so tired of this and I want out.

Moving Along

When was the last time I posted in here? I haven't been here much because I cannot change the format of this blog and I am also writing another blog that is politically charged. So, I was one of the lucky 1,600 people who were laid off. This has to be one of the most immature experiences I have ever had. It is not just MAXIMUS who was immature; it was also the people who they hired. When you look at indeed.com, Boise is the only place that gave MAXIMUS one star. Could it be because they are butt hurt that Obama is the president? Is it because people disagree with the health care reform? I have mixed feelings about the ACA. For starters, why are they calling it affordable? Yeah, some people may get a subsidy, but there are others who do not get one. You have to be making a specific amount to get a tax credit. You have to file your taxes and be a U.S. citizen. You also cannot have an offer for insurance from your employer or you will not be eligible. I like that I can get free generic birth control. Some of the aspects of the law are not applied because it depends on what the insurance company offers. The weird part about this act is the morning after pill; originally it was free, but you still have to fork out $50 for it. Before you had to go to the pharmacist and now you can purchase it as though it is aspirin. What gives? According to the HIPAA law, employers have a right to your personal information. In most states, like Arizona, employers can terminate you for using birth control. I honestly think that the HIPAA law should apply to employers because they are not doctors and it is none of their fucking business. In turn, they moved Plan B to the front of the counter...birth control still needs to be called in by your doctor. I honestly think that the ACA should have been putting laws on how much doctors are charging you. Being a doctor should be about helping the ill, not that Ferrari or fancy wine. As far as the agents are concerned, they thought they were under a contract. I personally think they are a bunch of retards for thinking so. MAXIMUS is the one who has a contract with another company for use of the building; not the agents. Not to mention it is not a union job. Seriously, people horsed around during training and did not pay attention to diddly. Every time someone would start bitching or whining about something not being in the contract, I just wanted to turn around to tell them to shut up. This was a daily thing. The only thing we signed was what we normally sign. It is a fire at will deal in a right to work state. Whine, whine, whine. I certainly love reading the stupidity that is being spread and printed. This one lady said that 1,400 people get to keep their jobs and that there was a three year contract. Bullshit. Evidently, Idaho Statesman does not conduct research before broadcasting information on the internet. Someone stated that MAXIMUS laid off 2,500 people...um no, they hired 2,000 people so the thought that they laid of 2,500 is ridiculous. Where do people get this bullshit information? I have been trying to find a job that would waive my student loan. I asked MAXIMUS if they fall under the public service program, they told me that they were not. So, I was looking for a new job before they announced the lay off. It was either find something or get stuck or find something and be jobless. If you think about it, it would have happened anyway. I don't know if anyone understands that when they ramp up in the next couple of months there is going to be an even bigger lay off. I think that is why a huge chunk of people quit as soon as the e-mails were sent on who was being let go. So, I got the e-mail. Which makes me suspicious about the situation. As I worked there, my former team mates were being supervised by our previous supervisor from Guthy Renker...these people were the first hired on at MAXIMUS and were not laid off. Very suspicious indeed. I started to get things ready for my vacation. I figured it would be about a month. So, I got stuff to shampoo my couches, repair the toilet, work on the garden, and chop branches off of the trees. I also continued to apply for work. No more call centers. I tried to apply for anything more quiet. Library, bank, health insurance companies. If I were to work at a call center again, I wanted it to be health insurance because I like the customers who call them. It is way easier to talk about insurance than technical troubleshooting, two year agreements, shotty installation, and auto replenishment programs. If you need to get a job, get a job in an industry that people need. The day of the lay off created temptation to cause as much trouble as possible. We have this group of agents that we transfer customers to when they are angry or need their insurance benefits ASAP. This group of agents was extremely rude and irritable. Hey, I had the same position as them. I wanted to cold transfer a bunch of customers to them. I almost did on the last call, but the guy was an insurance agent who had a sore throat and has been struggling as much as we were to enroll people on that wonderful website healthcare.gov. I also wanted to leave fake dog poop in my locker. But, I behaved despite my boredom. I was called in by Best Life and Health insurance. I am not familiar with the company, but I have seen them a few times while enrolling people into insurance. I know the basics of insurance. They hired me on and I will begin next week. I did not know I would be hired so quickly, so some of the maintenence on the house will be delayed a little bit. I am almost done with the trees. I need a steam cleaner for the couches I discovered. I am pretty excited and nervous about the new job. I will be trained though. I think that once I get started, I should be comfortable. I just need to learn more about how dental insurance functions and the systems and I will be golden.

Taking Care of Stuff

Been away for a while. Been taking care of a million things, which makes it difficult to make changes in the house at the present time. I have been calling around taking care of paperwork for my current job. Finally got the taxes situated for my paycheck; it took about five months. I finally received my document for my pension with DirecTv to move over to my new 401K; that needs to be done by a specific date. Trying to keep up with my dogs and their grooming; they are in desperate need of a hair cut. I have been trying to make plans to fix the house. I have to work out something to fix my plumbing and clip some branches off of a few trees. I have to fix some siding and yell at the neighbor for screwing up my fence. The fence was kind of leaning when I got home one day, which makes it hard to open the gate at the side of the house. I hate their children and I am tempted to get a surveillance system so I can take their happy asses to court. I have been busy taking care of Rami. I have been the official research person for his papers and sometimes I proofread. I am a bad ass like that. I want to cook him something, but he objects in a subtle manner. I decided to get him some new sheets and some dish towels because he did not have anything that I found to be decent.I was going to play that Hershey kiss trick on him, but I didn't know how well he would take it. I asked him if he wanted a kiss, he said yeah, so I handed him a giant Hersheys kiss. I tend to run into various cultural things that are pretty funny. His foot fell asleep one day and he said it was called, "Numb numb." I told him we call it "falling asleep" here and I could not help, but laugh at it because it sounds funny that we say things like that. I discovered that they don't have zombie stories in Iraq, but they do have ghost stories and I think that might be my next project. I had to explain to him about what zombies are. There is so much to learn from this guy and I really wish he would be here forever or take me away with him. He does not know what he is doing after college. It makes me sad, but I want to be around him for as long as I can. He is just too sweet. When I am at his place in the morning, I don't want to leave. I have never seen such an adorable person to wake up in the morning. Unfortunately, I have many responsibilities at home that need to be taken care of that take me all day.