I already had my time wasted. I spent nearly two years thinking that someone loved me only to find out 1. He hides things from me. 2. He also has a son that is the same age as his daughter by another woman. 3. He had a pill addiction. 4. He married the woman across the street.
Forgive me if I am wrong, do I really need another person to waste days or even years of my life? I spent the past couple of days off going to Boise just to meet someone. He was wrapped up in work and is not comfortable with me meeting his daughters yet. All I wanted to do was meet him. Then he went to install a door into the ex's house and has not reached me since. Getting back with her? I don't know, I thought he wanted to meet me to.
Why in the hell are these people wasting my time? I get dating profiles and nobody is sending me a message. Except for the occassional loser or the guy who just wants my body. Fuck you people. You know what? I am better off on my own. I can't fuck myself over or waste my time waiting for myself.
I am really sad right now. I do not have anyone to go hang out with. I do not have anyone to go out drinking with. I had to be alone on my birthday. Fuck people, nobody gives a flying fuck about me.
I passed my classes and I am on break. I spent the past week alone. FUCK YOU PEOPLE.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
I Don't Know
I really don't know what to do with myself. I think it's because I have all of this overwhelming crap. I want to find someone I am compatible with even though someone I thought loved me ruined my home.
Plenty of Fish, not my cup of tea. People that I do not want to communicate with will not leave me alone. People I do want to communicate with do not talk to me for very long at all. So, I go to someplace I had left for Paul. My year book.
I go there I can bid on pictures and people can bid on mine. I can flirt and battle. I run across someone that I saw on plenty of fish.
He is asking me all of these questions. Oh yes, how come you never wrote me on plenty of fish. How the heck should I know? Maybe I can communicate with people easier on year book. What do you think? He asks questions, I almost think I made a mistake even trying to find a different venue. Yes, I was randy and wanted to flirt with you! He already knows I am shy and why I do not trust anyone right now. Older with some kids? Why not? Everyone I meet has kids.
Paper is due by midnight. I am full of anxiety. I have no idea about anything. Not a clue. I have no idea why I am looking for anyone. I think I want someone to sit and do homework with. I need someone to go for a jog with. I need someone to go grocery shopping with. Grr.
Plenty of Fish, not my cup of tea. People that I do not want to communicate with will not leave me alone. People I do want to communicate with do not talk to me for very long at all. So, I go to someplace I had left for Paul. My year book.
I go there I can bid on pictures and people can bid on mine. I can flirt and battle. I run across someone that I saw on plenty of fish.
He is asking me all of these questions. Oh yes, how come you never wrote me on plenty of fish. How the heck should I know? Maybe I can communicate with people easier on year book. What do you think? He asks questions, I almost think I made a mistake even trying to find a different venue. Yes, I was randy and wanted to flirt with you! He already knows I am shy and why I do not trust anyone right now. Older with some kids? Why not? Everyone I meet has kids.
Paper is due by midnight. I am full of anxiety. I have no idea about anything. Not a clue. I have no idea why I am looking for anyone. I think I want someone to sit and do homework with. I need someone to go for a jog with. I need someone to go grocery shopping with. Grr.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
More Time To Myself
At work and at home. My position consists of showing people where policies are and what they mean. Sometimes it is other people showing me things and helping me become more knowledgeable of products. I think there are a ton of cool products; I do not get to use them. I work ten hours a day and for the time being, I am exempt from overtime. Three days to myself...what to do.
I should sign up for overtime because I am going to need the hours in case Roger decides to move. Then I won't care if I am living alone. Maybe the occasional company, Mr. Kennedy?? How do you urge a man to come visit? I keep giving him sparklies to entice him, but he seems to be preoccupied. Sad, sad, sad.
As far as dating life goes...it just goes and never stays. I have one guy that seems to think he can tell me what to do. I think I am going to have to add a disclaimer about dating someone who is a writer and is online all day.
What happened was that you know who read my writing all the time and kept on throwing temper tantrums about things that had nothing to do with him. I would accidentally go to a website involving dating and he insisted that I was cheating. The new guy tells me to stay off of Plenty of Fish. Really? Did I say we were together? I think not. I do visit dating sites now and have every right to. If my schooling and job is disrespected, you are going to get the boot. If my writing is read, do so at your own risk. I do have some naughty stuff in there and, yes, about previous lovers. It's life, give me a break or hit the road.
It's my goal to live the human experience. That is the purpose of my writing and making videos. That is the reason why I get tattoos and piercings. Perhaps it is why I have a car and live independently in my own house.
School is going great. I finished writing my other essay last night. Now, I need to polish them off by adding quotes and citations. Then, it is break time. I do not have a break. I have to fix the shit that Paul did to my home and clean up the mess my tree made. I have to bundle a huge pile of twigs, if you want to join, you can.
I should sign up for overtime because I am going to need the hours in case Roger decides to move. Then I won't care if I am living alone. Maybe the occasional company, Mr. Kennedy?? How do you urge a man to come visit? I keep giving him sparklies to entice him, but he seems to be preoccupied. Sad, sad, sad.
As far as dating life goes...it just goes and never stays. I have one guy that seems to think he can tell me what to do. I think I am going to have to add a disclaimer about dating someone who is a writer and is online all day.
What happened was that you know who read my writing all the time and kept on throwing temper tantrums about things that had nothing to do with him. I would accidentally go to a website involving dating and he insisted that I was cheating. The new guy tells me to stay off of Plenty of Fish. Really? Did I say we were together? I think not. I do visit dating sites now and have every right to. If my schooling and job is disrespected, you are going to get the boot. If my writing is read, do so at your own risk. I do have some naughty stuff in there and, yes, about previous lovers. It's life, give me a break or hit the road.
It's my goal to live the human experience. That is the purpose of my writing and making videos. That is the reason why I get tattoos and piercings. Perhaps it is why I have a car and live independently in my own house.
School is going great. I finished writing my other essay last night. Now, I need to polish them off by adding quotes and citations. Then, it is break time. I do not have a break. I have to fix the shit that Paul did to my home and clean up the mess my tree made. I have to bundle a huge pile of twigs, if you want to join, you can.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Quit Yer Bitchin
One thing I have to say, Boise, shame on you. Shame on you for continuing to build houses that nobody is going to buy. Do you honestly think that people are going to have enough money to pay for a $250,000 to $400,000 house? Seriously, nobody has that type of money. Even if they do, more than likely they work for Micron and are at high risk for being laid off. Available jobs pay between $7.25 to $10.00 an hour.
Shame on Idaho for all of those empty buildings. You and I can both agree that small business owners will rent the building for a short time. For those who are still in business, kudos to you. Keep working hard at keeping your head above water.
To all of those people who are griping about the construction market. Yes, you. You know very well that eventually the buildings are going to stop. Maybe, some day, Idaho will cut down on the budget some more and stop construction on the roads. Think about this, agriculture. Have you ever thought that by building all of these houses and empty business establishments, you are wasting land that should be for farms and wild life?
Instead of sitting in your pity party, why not become a farmer? People need food. Yes, we can grow our own gardens. I know that I will not grow a garden next year. I don't even have the time to mow my grass or clean my house or car. Do something for your community and cultivate the land. I think we should put the whole thing into perspective and change it around.
Urbanization is wasting land. Become a farmer.
Shame on Idaho for all of those empty buildings. You and I can both agree that small business owners will rent the building for a short time. For those who are still in business, kudos to you. Keep working hard at keeping your head above water.
To all of those people who are griping about the construction market. Yes, you. You know very well that eventually the buildings are going to stop. Maybe, some day, Idaho will cut down on the budget some more and stop construction on the roads. Think about this, agriculture. Have you ever thought that by building all of these houses and empty business establishments, you are wasting land that should be for farms and wild life?
Instead of sitting in your pity party, why not become a farmer? People need food. Yes, we can grow our own gardens. I know that I will not grow a garden next year. I don't even have the time to mow my grass or clean my house or car. Do something for your community and cultivate the land. I think we should put the whole thing into perspective and change it around.
Urbanization is wasting land. Become a farmer.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
New
Like usual, I have been crabby. The room mate's girlfriend knocks on my door all the time. I'm always in the middle of working on a paper. Leave me alone, God damnit. I decided to call my school. I need time to fix things and lecture people how important it is for me to complete my school work.
I am distracted. I was told to get cracking on making a clone. Should I get an artificial donor? I don't see anyone appealing that wants to date me, why not? Oh yeah, I don't make as much as I used to and if I got insurance it probably not have the same coverage that Aetna had. Damnit. If only that one guy...Maybe, I should urge people to talk to him. No...that is going to far. Even for me.
So, come to find out, Paul ended up going to the hospital for nearly overdosing. It is on his record that he is a narcotics abuser. Serves him right. He was talking across the street to the neighbor about him and his wife. Evidently, they got married. Good, she is getting what she asked for. A drug addicted mooch. I have every reason why not to associate with anyone of the opposite sex. I decided, I am my own soul mate. God, I hope those fuckers move soon. Isn't it fucked up in the head to marry someone across the street a month after you break up?
I have been pissy at work. One day off a week is burning me out and I am starting to swear. I had a last minute interview, which was fun. I sent her an e-mail thanking her before I left from working overtime. I have the day off, work on papers ALL day long. I come to work worn out.
Associate, "It's going to suck because your not on our team anymore...I hate you." Your pulling my leg, when did I get placed on another team? "You are help desk now." What?? Really?? "Check your e-mail, I sent you an e-mail telling you how much I hate you." Sure enough, I got the new position. No, the associate's e-mail was not hateful. She was joking.
It is a weird feeling. I had no idea how my shift was going to change. I will not be a temp anymore. During my first call, the new boss person grabbed me and had me sit with the new team for a bit. I even took some calls that I have no knowledge of, I liked it. The next new change, I start in the new building on Monday.
It is back to the ten hour shifts. I still have some overtime. I will be spending Sunday working on two papers. Oh yes, about school, the counselor is giving me two weeks off after these classes. Yay, a break! I told her I have a ton of crap to fix and a tree I have to bundle up. The classes will be split again after. Which is a relief because it has been years since I have taken Algebra. I am hoping this is not where I fail.
I am distracted. I was told to get cracking on making a clone. Should I get an artificial donor? I don't see anyone appealing that wants to date me, why not? Oh yeah, I don't make as much as I used to and if I got insurance it probably not have the same coverage that Aetna had. Damnit. If only that one guy...Maybe, I should urge people to talk to him. No...that is going to far. Even for me.
So, come to find out, Paul ended up going to the hospital for nearly overdosing. It is on his record that he is a narcotics abuser. Serves him right. He was talking across the street to the neighbor about him and his wife. Evidently, they got married. Good, she is getting what she asked for. A drug addicted mooch. I have every reason why not to associate with anyone of the opposite sex. I decided, I am my own soul mate. God, I hope those fuckers move soon. Isn't it fucked up in the head to marry someone across the street a month after you break up?
I have been pissy at work. One day off a week is burning me out and I am starting to swear. I had a last minute interview, which was fun. I sent her an e-mail thanking her before I left from working overtime. I have the day off, work on papers ALL day long. I come to work worn out.
Associate, "It's going to suck because your not on our team anymore...I hate you." Your pulling my leg, when did I get placed on another team? "You are help desk now." What?? Really?? "Check your e-mail, I sent you an e-mail telling you how much I hate you." Sure enough, I got the new position. No, the associate's e-mail was not hateful. She was joking.
It is a weird feeling. I had no idea how my shift was going to change. I will not be a temp anymore. During my first call, the new boss person grabbed me and had me sit with the new team for a bit. I even took some calls that I have no knowledge of, I liked it. The next new change, I start in the new building on Monday.
It is back to the ten hour shifts. I still have some overtime. I will be spending Sunday working on two papers. Oh yes, about school, the counselor is giving me two weeks off after these classes. Yay, a break! I told her I have a ton of crap to fix and a tree I have to bundle up. The classes will be split again after. Which is a relief because it has been years since I have taken Algebra. I am hoping this is not where I fail.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Polite Way of Saying Eff You
I went to get a new phone. I got a new Rumor that is a touch screen and it is purple. Yay, people are finally coming out with purple electronics! So, this comes with an SD card which makes me happy because I had to buy the last one.
I grabbed the SD card from the old phone that I killed. I watered it on the patio. My friend asked me if I was trying to make it grow. I told him the screen was fuzzy, does that count?
I have a device that the card came with. It was gone. I sent Paul a message, why do you think you can take my things and please bring me back my memory transfer thing. I changed my pin the other day because I was getting the silent treatment. I did not get a response back about the thing he took either.
I came home yesterday and found it in the mail box. Again, without a thank-you or a hello. I get a message later. Paul told me that he was in the hospital because he nearly overdosed and died. Really? He asked if I changed my pin again and he was trying to sell stuff.
I told him that I am having trust issues and that I am depressed. He told me that he was depressed and nearly overdosed. My final response, I don't see any reason why you should be depressed. You already found a new girlfriend quickly, betrayed me, and you have your daughter. I have not heard anything since and no pin for him.
I grabbed the SD card from the old phone that I killed. I watered it on the patio. My friend asked me if I was trying to make it grow. I told him the screen was fuzzy, does that count?
I have a device that the card came with. It was gone. I sent Paul a message, why do you think you can take my things and please bring me back my memory transfer thing. I changed my pin the other day because I was getting the silent treatment. I did not get a response back about the thing he took either.
I came home yesterday and found it in the mail box. Again, without a thank-you or a hello. I get a message later. Paul told me that he was in the hospital because he nearly overdosed and died. Really? He asked if I changed my pin again and he was trying to sell stuff.
I told him that I am having trust issues and that I am depressed. He told me that he was depressed and nearly overdosed. My final response, I don't see any reason why you should be depressed. You already found a new girlfriend quickly, betrayed me, and you have your daughter. I have not heard anything since and no pin for him.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I Play Harder
I am burned out right now. I have to work overtime and I hope it is cancelled. I have too much to do.
So, now that I have been used and walked all over, I decided to make some changes. I can because I pay for everything around here and everything is mine. Paul has been using my Internet connection across the street. The old bat does not have her own anything evidently.
I was pissed at the way I have been treated. So...I thought about the Internet. Change the key. I changed the key and I heard nothing for a couple of days. Paul parked in the alley for some weird reason.
The next day I get a message, "Why did you change your Internet settings??" I lied and told him that my Internet wasn't working. Then he said, "I need the connection so I can get money for Nini's lunch." I don't know what to tell you, "Why can't Sandy take care of it?" I told him that I would give him the pin later.
I did not call him back. The next day, "Can I please have the pin?" Hmm, no not really. He told me that I was on my own and that it was my fault that my house looked like crap. So, my response was, "You left me by myself with the mess you made. You are on your own." His response was that he said that he would fix it.
I forwarded the message he sent me. Then I said, "No fix, no Internet. Terms and conditions apply if you want Internet." He went off on a tangent about how much he hated Bri for leaving him with this mess. I didn't respond. Finally, "What are the terms?"
1. Take the chicken wire off my fence. 2. Pay me my money back. 3. Fix the hole above the door. 4. Sandy can never be in my yard EVER again. 5. Fill that hole you dug in my front yard. 6. That caulking around the window sills? Take that crap off.
So, he is looking for someone to pull the tree stump. He better plan on fixing the mess he made otherwise, no Internet access and it is small claims court. I have the upper hand, not him.
So, now that I have been used and walked all over, I decided to make some changes. I can because I pay for everything around here and everything is mine. Paul has been using my Internet connection across the street. The old bat does not have her own anything evidently.
I was pissed at the way I have been treated. So...I thought about the Internet. Change the key. I changed the key and I heard nothing for a couple of days. Paul parked in the alley for some weird reason.
The next day I get a message, "Why did you change your Internet settings??" I lied and told him that my Internet wasn't working. Then he said, "I need the connection so I can get money for Nini's lunch." I don't know what to tell you, "Why can't Sandy take care of it?" I told him that I would give him the pin later.
I did not call him back. The next day, "Can I please have the pin?" Hmm, no not really. He told me that I was on my own and that it was my fault that my house looked like crap. So, my response was, "You left me by myself with the mess you made. You are on your own." His response was that he said that he would fix it.
I forwarded the message he sent me. Then I said, "No fix, no Internet. Terms and conditions apply if you want Internet." He went off on a tangent about how much he hated Bri for leaving him with this mess. I didn't respond. Finally, "What are the terms?"
1. Take the chicken wire off my fence. 2. Pay me my money back. 3. Fix the hole above the door. 4. Sandy can never be in my yard EVER again. 5. Fill that hole you dug in my front yard. 6. That caulking around the window sills? Take that crap off.
So, he is looking for someone to pull the tree stump. He better plan on fixing the mess he made otherwise, no Internet access and it is small claims court. I have the upper hand, not him.
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