If I Was a Little Kid Today

It seems that Health and Welfare want to kidnap every one's children. In most cases rightfully so. Many more cases they need to mind their own damn business. Or other people need to mind their own business.
I read the news about women leaving their children behind. There was one where there was a tween babysitting and called the police because their mother was out all the time. There was another where a young mother left her baby home alone. For God's sake! Bring your child with you. If you can't find a sitter stay home and play with the kids. Kids like to play, honest.
Athena got off lucky, this time. Those women made it to jail, where she did not. Her kids were taken away. There is a conspiracy going on behind it. It appears that a bus driver is stalking her. She was near when the driver said that she was not. The same foster parents have the children from before. I really do not trust these people that are foster parents. There is something so wrong about them. They are messed up in the head. I almost think that these people are using the system to kidnap the kids. As screwed up as the system is, it is a possibility. It seems as though no background check is done.
Dad said that she is being racially profiled which I find to be total bullshit. She is being profiled because she is a young single parent. She is being profiled because she had sex. The women that were in the paper were not black, they were white. The people that I know personally that go through the same exact situation are white. Paul has had problems with the system and still is. These people have a mental issue going on. There are laws, yet people lie.
Many things do not make sense. There were things in the past that would have had me taken away. The whole thing seems absurd. When I was young, I was left home alone. I took advantage of it because I got to practice being dependent. It probably depends. I am pretty darn trustworthy and I have been trusted to do many things on my own. There were many points in my life when people should mind their own business and Health and Welfare should be smart enough to recognize it.
When I was going to high school, dad was trying to rent out my room. I was upset because I would have my room. I did cry about it. I was a kid, I could do so. This teacher went off and called the authorities and told them that I was saying that I was suicidal. It was the wrong thing to do. Any teacher who accuses a person of being suicidal should lose their job. Seriously. But that may be another topic for some other time. As far as I know, that teacher is not working at that school anymore.
A bus driver? That would be the same as telling a teacher to mind their own damn business. This person stated that they waited for 40 minutes. Really?? Hmm, let me think. A bus driver doesn't stay that long waiting for a kid. Gee, open the door look. Hey, the kids are not their close the door and drive off.
Then again, there may be more to the story. Conspiracy I tell you.

Can You Relate?

I watch these shows that I never would have appreciated in the past. There is 27 Dresses where a girl has all of these dresses from all of these weddings and hopelessly never had her own. There is Bridget Jones Diary where Bridget is a single, chunky, 30some lady who is stuck between whether to go with the good boy or the bad boy.
There are many movies like this. I'm trying to remember another movie. I have been to a few weddings. Some where I was formally invited and some where I would be invited at the spur of the moment by mouth.
I keep going to baby showers. I have so much fun at Baby's R Us looking for goodies. I was there just a few days ago thinking, gee look at all of this nice neat stuff. Everything is so neat, clean, and organized. Just think, it's not as serene as the objects are. This all would become a disorganized wreck.
It almost seems like I can put a humbug to the wedding spirit. I don't feel like getting married. I look at all this fun stuff to put together for the ceremony and have some pretty cool ideas. The whole thing seems obnoxiously priced. I watched Platinum Weddings and watched how these people would spend copious amounts of money just to get the look and tradition they wanted.
Just my luck, with men just up and going, I would assume that if I was to get married my husband would mysteriously vanish. Where'd he go? Oh, it was a marriage with benefits!
It doesn't occur to Paul that I don't have that same feeling for him. He wants to get married to me. I don't feel the spirit. This day in age and the situation that is going on, it just wouldn't be able to happen.
He has been looking for a job since December and my job is at stake. I am trying to take care of my home and keep it. He can't get into the picture and nor would anyone else be able to. As much as he wants to. He does take care of the house and my projects. Not in the order I would like them to be.

Red Box : Convienient Or Not Convienient

I am a huge movie watcher. I have worked at every theater in pretty much every town here. I have been to every theater. I rent movies everywhere. I even order movies from online and get movies as gifts that I cannot order anywhere. I also got to try pay per view. Which is pretty cool, I don't have to spend the gas to go anywhere and I have snacks at home. Sweet.
Then came along Red Box. Some people have the convenience of walking downstairs from their apartment and grab a movie and maybe pop some coins into a vending machine and go back and watch their flick. There's a neat idea. Movies in vending machines, how novel.
I never really used it. I get free movies. I have always got free movies unless I purchased the movie that I love. I got some free movies for Red Box. At first, I was reluctant. Using my debit card on a machine where there is a line of people after me? It's safe though. It goes back to the beginning once you get your movie.
I thought it was pretty cool. It's only a $1 and there is a Red Box around every corner. Kind of like Starbucks. Actually, Starbucks is hard to find here compared to Red Box.
Here is where it is a bad idea. It's a machine! The coupons that do not expire until July are not being accepted. At first I thought it was because of the code. The keyboard is messed up. If I press "X" it put the "C" in the promo code area. Nope, I entered the code and made sure it was the correct one. Red Box is not taking the codes from the free movies from McDonnald's. How rude.
Here's is more of the sobering truth. Even after having the disc aligned where it needs to be. The bar code is on the right side. The machine would not take the movie. Tried and tried and it kept spitting it back out. You have to make sure the case is completely shut. The edges have to snap together. Otherwise, you will not be able to return it.
Here is where it is a little funny. I called customer service. When you are having issues with returning a movie, you have to be at the machine. I was waiting on the phone for about ten minutes. The moment I tell the lady the situation, she immediately placed me on hold. I wasn't at the vending machine. She told me I would have to call back to troubleshoot further.
I had resolved the problem on my own and returned the movie. It may become a hassle. The more people that use this the more it will become broken down. I still have some free coupons to use but they are not being accepted. It is a little upsetting. They sent me a survey about my experience. It was only on a scale of 1 to 10. I gave a bad rating and I could not say why. No I will not recommend Red Box to anyone. It is not convenient at all.

Focus

All everything is going to take right now. I have been doing nothing but running around on my days off. I have so much to do it even takes up Paul's time. He should be looking for work.
Today, we split onto two different paths. He went to Boise to apply for a job. I ran around getting things for the garden, things for me, and things to take care of Echo.
There were a bunch of squirrels out this morning. We had some plants ready to grow in there. I figured they would eat the corn. I got some repellent to spray on the fence.
There have been about 8 cats that have been captured. The recent one had a upper respiratory problem and it was sneezing blood. Fabulous. Another diseased creature. We haven't even put a dent into the cat problem. There is less cat crap in the yard.
Echo is going to be leaving tomorrow. Every time I have something new, he demolishes it. I have been trying to get ready for summer and have a nice backyard. Can't do that with the puppy. He has overwhelmed me. I had a new sun tea thing that I just bought. Echo was only out for a few minutes. He tore it up. I called Justin and he will be getting him tomorrow. Today, I gave him a bath and took him to get his nails done.
Right now, I am exhausted. I just want to sit at the computer and play games. Maybe, take a nap. I still have that awfu cold. My nose is stuffed and my ears are plugged. I feel a little loopy from the cold medicine.

Happiness

I was doing totally awesome. Again I feel threatened which made me feel down. After a call from someone who apologized after my every attempt. I don't feel like I can do anything right.
Yeah, America, a great country. Idaho apparently is not America. Idaho is a right to work state. This means you have no right to work. A boss can treat their employees however they want. They can go around threatening every one's job simply because they didn't get paid enough. Any stupid reason can be found to make an innocent by stander lose their job.
I was so sick on Saturday, I didn't remember to change bags because the one I was using broke. I was so sick, I didn't check the schedule. For all I knew, I was scheduled to come in the wee hours of the morning. I had some time so I did what many would do, I went to Target.
I found little strawberry kits and cheap garden stuff. I grabbed Prince's new album. I am so pleased. The music was excellent. I also got a free bag. All of this made me giddy. For a few hours.

Boom boom boom

I went to work today feeling fine. I have been feeling congested. The three week cold is still here. I want it to go away.
I spent a couple hours coughing. Then I started to get a headache. I didn't have any aspirin. I ask around and nobody has some. Then I started to get more sick. My legs were getting sore. Then I started to feel icky.
After about four hours, I had to go home. My boss wasn't very happy. I have to promise to be exceeding my goals. I can this month. I just needed to get some rest.
Now that I am home, there are barking dogs. Monday is Echo day. He is going to get a shower and rubbed down with Spaw. He is going to go get his nails done.

On the Run

I have had the past four days off and I go back to work tomorrow. What? I didn't even get a chance to visit anyone or really call very many people.
I have been busy running around. I did so much running around I didn't even get a present for Shannon's baby shower. She is having a girl and I found a super cute gift to go buy.
I have been using cash I got from some windows to go get some bricks. A walk way is being made. The reason would be is that there is a cheesy trench that was dug around the house. Mud flings all over the place when the lawn is being watered. It's difficult to mow and the weeds seem to love it.
I have been trying to find a way to make Frank eat again. He is being picky. I went to get Science Diet and nothing worked. I let Frank try a sample of Echo's food and he seems to be eating it. He is driving me crazy. This isn't the first time this is happening. When I first moved in, he had an eating disorder. I got him to start eating after I gave him a cookie each time he finished his food. This time, it didn't work. We quit giving him cookies and table scraps.
I had been cleaning house. It has been a while since I had done some cleaning. Nobody else really cleans house except for me and maybe Paul.
I have done so much running around I don't even know where my time off went. Now I feel anxiety because I don't know what the out come of me being away will bring. I just hope that I did well and that Paul will find a job soon.
I gave up on posting ads in the Statesman. They charge way too much. I remember the first time I placed and ad just months ago it was WAY cheaper. Then the next time it cost $21. Then recently it cost $25. They had the brass to write an article how they laid off one measly person. I am never going to pay to put anything into their crumby paper anymore. Nobody seems to want to post anything in there and there is no reason to even read it. Most of the articles are running about a couple of paragraphs long anymore. You can post it for free online. However, the scientists from South Africa and England are out to get me.

Ghost

My cat Logan seems to be intrigued with the one bedroom. The room used to be my room. Then Leslie moved into the room.
Logan wanted to go into the room all the time. Especially, when Leslie was home. He would nuzzle the door. He always found a way to get in. Now that Leslie has moved out, he likes to hang out in there. There is nothing in the room. Just curtains and a receiver for a television.
He hangs out in the closet. He runs around the room and plays with nothing. I even saw him do a back flip in the middle of the room. It's hard to say what is going on in that little kitty brain of his.
Trying to think if there is a ghost child or a ghost parakeet. Logan is a strange little guy.

No no Notorious

I finally got to rent The Day The Earth Stood Still. Got to watch some previews. I really want to watch the Wolverine movie. Like really bad. It looks pretty darn good. Then I saw some interesting trailers for movies I didn't even know existed.
That's what happens when you don't work at a movie theater for a while. Which is something I would rather be doing right now. I can't afford to. I would have to raise rent and get more room mates. No room mates have been responding to my ad. Exept for an older gentleman and a single father who wanted a temporary place.
Anyways, I saw a preview called Notorious. It is about the Notorious B.I.G. I am not a fan. I only like two songs. It looks pretty good. I like it when you call me big poppa, throw your hands in the air like your a true playa.
Then I saw the most exciting trailer. The cult continues...a Donnie Darko sequel!!!!!!!!!!!!! I highly emphasize --> ! This is about the little sister and it is through her eyes.
Coming to DVD soon. Some stuff being released on the silver screen is stuff I would like to watch. I would like to watch that Fast and Furious movie and Watchmen. I kind of want to watch that live action G.I. Joe movie. It looks kind of wicked.
I went to the theater the other day and I watched Two Lovers. The other movies playing at the Flicks looked kind of bland. Two Lovers looked kind of boring but it actually was quite good. I hate Gweneth Paltrow but she put on the best performance of her life. She played a pill popping gold digging drama queen. The movie was too true to life.

Me and My Dreams

I have always had weird dreams. For two days straight I had realistic, stressful dreams. The other night I dreamed that I had rented a house down the road that I had not put my notice of moving. They had months worth of rent that was not paid for and I racked up a $3,000 bill. Probably would have been more than that.
Last night I had a dream of a highway that everyone had a hard time driving on. I saw a motorcycle crash. I saw this green Tempo spin across the road in front of me. Then up the highway in a corner was a maroon mini van that had slammed into the wall. Beside the van was a family and a child laying on the ground. I was kind of creeped out. I didn't feel like driving but I had to anyway.
I have been addicted to games online again. I have been playing Yoville. I don't know if it has a theme song but I made one up...kind of. I sing along with the background music, " Yoville! Yoville! Yo yo Yoville!." When ever Paul and I are wandering around we talk about going to Yogo King and Yo in the Box or Yodonald's. We may even swing my Yowes. It goes on and on. It makes me wish that it was as easy as clicking on the factory button and getting a couple hundred dollars of cash. All you have to do is go into work every six hours!
I have been trying to catch my brother in the game of phone tag. Echo is becoming overwhelming. He tore up the plastic in his kennel. He eats stuff up and he makes a mess afterwords. I am not talking about in chunks of toys. Though, I may say that it looks like a tennis ball exploded all over the house. Along with fillings of random toys.
I am finally over my cold. My doctor had said it was a three week cold that had been going around. She prescribed me these clear pearl pills that I had to take three times a day.
I have been fighting to keep things looking great at work. As difficult as it is. I tried so hard today, I figured that I have to do every single thing myself. I actually got Easter off. am not sure if there are any big plans for the day. I am thinking of making meat loaf. I will have the next four days off. I am going to make sure my home owners exemption is done. The idiots there never know what they are talking about. They told me last time it was too late to do my exemption and then they said I already got it submitted and once it is in, it is always in the system. Yeah, right. If I got a nickle for every time they were being laid back I would be a rich girl.
The garden is coming along okay. We had to put a fence around it because Echo keeps ripping it up. We have some purple beans growing. I had a possessed moon flower that I left outside overnight by mistake. Now I have to start over on the poor thing. Poor Marvin. We had squash started and some colorful bell peppers. Tomato plants are starting to get spiky leaves. Going to start again on the corn. The water is running out back. Have the ground covered with pesticides and grass seed and the weed killer is next. Got the lawn mower up and running. Got a project started for the side walk. Yep, all amped for summer. The backyard is looking awesome. Got a patio set and have been putting the chiminea to use.

Coma

Yesterday I spoke to a woman that had just awoke from a coma. Which is really quite weird because not too long ago I wish I could just be in a coma until all this crap was over.
I asked her if she had any dreams, she could not remember if she did. I would figure that you dream plenty. She was in the coma for a month. If it were me, I think I would not come back. The world in my had is more entertaining and makes more sense.
I could just imagine being awake one moment and then waking up in a hospital bed. I would probably wonder why I was there. I would be shocked if I was to find out how many days I was in bed.

Anger

Maybe this month can be a series of "A's"? No, I am just having a rough time. I feel threatened all the time. The more I feel threatened the more anxiety I feel. Then we have Paul.
He is someone that does not know me very well, at all. I am almost willing to leave him in the dust. I have vowed the next time he sends me a message about something that I should NOT be stressed about he is being dumped. I keep telling him, "Hello? High stress job no sending texts while I am on my way and no more sending texts while I am working." Granted the phone is off, but I have things to get done during breaks and there is a message about him wanting to leave because of something he misunderstood and fails to understand because of his ignorance.
He did it again. And again. He keeps reading things on Myspace and dwells on myyearbook which I already deleted. He seems to think that I can delete my past. I know he can't. Do I stress out on him about his past? No, we experience things that we experience.
I talk about friends and family. I rarely talk about work. I rarely mention anything about people that I have been involved with. I write. I don't have anything else to do but work, run errands, and write. I don't have any time to bother with other people.
I have these old photos on Myspace with old comments that may have been posted over a year ago. I don't remember comments. He throws a tizzy fit about a naughty comment. Big whoop, I forgot that was even there I also forgot about the guy.
Paul seems to think that James was on my friends list on Myspace. He dwells on that. I keep telling him James was never on Myspace hence he was NEVER on my friends list. Duh. The more he does this the more I hate his guts.
He recently had a conniption fit about a poem I wrote on writerscafe. I wrote about my feeling on my past and my future and about how people try to control my thoughts and my destiny. Which Paul is trying to do is control what I say and write and what I have done in the past. I am so mad at him. He says he says it is what it is. He keeps twisting things around where I am saying something scandalous. I was not and people who know me best would understand what the poem meant. Give me a break and get the hell out of MY house.
He tried to give me a guilt trip about him spending all of his money and now he would have to go home broke. I never asked him to spend money on me. It was never my idea to go look at rings.
He has trust issues and keeps referring to other girls. I have told him multiple times that I am me and he has to let me be me. If I slip up and say the wrong word at the right moment, I try to laugh it up. Sometimes my miswording is pretty funny. He picked on me about that and told me that I pretty much deliberately said what I said. Excuse the fuck out of me.
I am feeling very stressed because of this. I go to work to have the same conversations about misjudgement, bad service, and people hating an experience. The only difference between the customer and Paul is that I can chew him out and not get fired for it. I can drop him on his fanny. He does it again and I am going to be single. He doesn't need me, he needs a Helen Keller.

Irrate

I feel a little safer at work. It still doesn't mean that I submit applications and say that I totally agree to a statement that doesn't make any sense. I won't know until I speak with my supervisor again. Nothing will be held to account that I did the best that I have ever done.
I think people are tempted to skin Echo. We had a weed barrier that was just put down and the dog tore it up. Good thing I wasn't home because I would have caught the son of a bitch.
Right now, I also feel reluctant to be expressive. Everything is being misconstrued. I cannot be myself. I have to be completely silent.