It's been a long gruesome two days. I am a little tense. I always expect people to be the same way. I know they are not. Sometimes they are too exhausted to be mad by the time they speak to me. Some are asking for more. Some are amped and want to argue. I get like that. I never ask for anything.
Maybe I am. You see, I feel be littled. I am a little thankful that some people have got my back. However, I had lost money by going through this transition. The grass is looking greener on the other side. Even though I went through something that was a refresher, it wasn't refreshing enough. Mainly, I have to think about things that do work and that don't work. I have to look for things that are not there. I have to put up with people that talk to me like I am a child.
I am finding it quite upsetting. I know what I am doing yet there are many puzzles that I have to take apart. Things I have to unscramble that some other person had the courage to mess up.
I have people jumping in and telling me answers. They are great answers. However, I feel like they are the wrong ones. I look at something and it will not sit right with me. Then I get guided down a path that seems wrong. I said that I feel like the people I am working with are making me feel belittled.
I don't know what makes me feel like I am lost. I know my way around. I have no idea how to respond when someone talks to me like I don't know what I am doing. It hurts my feelings. I was only gone for a few months and nothing had really changed. I take something for someone else to look at and someone else butts in when I really don't feel like speaking to them yet. I know they mean well but I think they are invading my territory. I am feeling frustrated, flustered, deflated.
Today, I got a phone call from some rent to own centers. I call the guy back and Paul and put me down as a reference. He hasn't really known me very long at all. The guy was asking me how trustworthy he was. Well, he has been taking care of my house. How long have I known him. Well, he was dating my room mate before I kicked her out.
Movie for the night: Rosemary's Baby.
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