My First Funeral

I haven't had very many jolly things to say this month, have I? Just a little bit I suppose. I have many bad things happen to me during the fall and winter. I don't know how it works out that way, but it just does. I was going to celebrate if I didn't end up in the emergency room for a second year in a row. That didn't happen. I am debating whether I want to get health insurance. The pay keeps getting lower while the cost of health insurance gets higher.
When I was 16, I was still in a world of innocence. I didn't know anything about my family history until I was in high school. I think just a couple days before Christmas, I was hanging out in my room. The phone rang and I picked it up. It was Grandma Maughan.
She wanted to speak to my mom. Come to find out, Grandpa had a heart attack. You know, I think this was Christmas Eve. I distinctly remember he died that day. It was weird for me.
I remember being scared to death of going to the funeral. I have never been to one before. I never been to an open casket funeral either. I stayed in the lobby through it. I saw the casket and Grandpa's hands sitting ever so still. Mom told me that there was nothing to be afraid of. It was just as though he was sleeping.
It is nothing like someone sleeping. I knew he was no longer with us. It scared me. I realized seeing someone "resting" wasn't so bad. I went to Grandma Maughan's funeral and got close to the casket. I wasn't scared that time.
There was something that really bothered me about his funeral. I hated the segregation and the need to control someone. I don't remember who it was, some elderly lady told me that I had to sit with her. Why? I wanted to sit with my dad. I hate when some stranger thinks that they can take control of someone and tell them where to sit. She was a relative, I didn't know her that well.
From then on, I never knew of any family feuds. It's so childish. That's one of those things that makes me want to turn to my father and tell him to grow up. Then again, I think it is sibling rivalry. I think it's natural that brothers and sisters fight. But, geeeez. It feels like everyone is involved. I never really got to see Uncle Tommy. Last time he saw me he was calling me Tara. Talk about uncomfortable silence. I rarely see my Aunt Sherry. I tried to contact her around the time of the funeral and she didn't call back.
If anyone were to ask me about it, I would just say I really don't want to hear about it. I don't want to be involved. I certainly don't want to take sides because I think both sides are being absurd. It gets to the point that nobody speaks to each other. I'm not talking just brother and sister. I am talking whole entire families of the siblings. When Justin and I fight, I don't involve anyone else. My parents had good timing to break us up when it was bad. I don't foresee any feuding between Justin and me. It would be a little odd. Then again, mom found it odd that me and him were having a conversation one night. I would hate to see the same scenario where we don't speak for a long time. It's bad enough we don't really speak that much today.
It doesn't bug me. It's kind of nice to hear a familiar voice every now and again. Now, that I am older I still don't understand. Why can't people just get along? It is so rare these days that families get together and have a barbacue.
I remember going to the grandparents homes on Christmas. I remember cool get togethers during the summer as well. It just seems that everything just faded away. Hmm..you know, I do have a huge backyard. Maybe when things are a little more finincially stable, I will have everyone come over. I think it would be cool to have some kind of pot luck. What do you guys think?