Happy New Year

Happy New Year.
It's just another day. I find that I am less thrilled about the holidays. I thought up some resolutions for 2012. I normally do not have a resolution.
In the next five months, I should be done with college. They are trying to convince me to continue. Be a part of the growing population of college debt? NO. I do not know how many times I have to tell them no. They are ruining my life. They still do not get it.
Next resolution is to get rid of pieces of shit like Joel. He is being an asshole. I have been called "little girl" for the last time. Little girls do not own homes and have a management position. I do not like being told that I need to understand "my place." What place is that anyway? I reminded him who has the upper hand the other night.
That is pretty much it. I am thinking of selling the house after school. I hope someone buys it because I want to move. I'm sick of smelling cat piss when I do not have any cats.

Living Paycheck to Paycheck?

Each time I recieve money, I always have some kind of plan. Perhaps this means I am living from paycheck to paycheck. I went through an evaluation, I am where I need to be...my associates do not take me seriously. I am not confident enough, so I am pretty much saying what I can whenever. That way, people know I exist on the team. Christmas was fun. I drove to see everyone. I got some money from my father. I think I will use some to pay for the car battery and save the rest for some fun or clothing. I used some money from last year to renew my stickers on the car. I got some new snow boots. If I have a nice lumpsum left, I want more ink. We shall see. The Acer finally died. There was about 41% battery life left over and would not turn on with just the cord. No, it's not the cord. It's the motherboard. May as well get something new. The Acer was less than two years old. Now, I have a Toshiba. I would use the Compaq, but some idiot placed a bunch of crap on it and now it moves slow. Never again. I finally received my pension information. I don't think it is high enough to retire with in the future. I already moved my car loan onto the Chase account. I want to use the pension to get rid of Chase. Need to get ready for the new large bill. I spent time looking for a scholarship and received nothing but phone calls from more universities. No, I am almost 35 and still single and no children. Please, fuck off. The university in Georgia was kind enough to send me even more links for scholarships. They were pretty cool. Maybe, if they have a degree for the entertainment field and the scholarships work I may consider. I am heading to mothers for New Years. I don't know if I have to work the next day. I'll see what I can work out.

Reaching Out

I do not normally do this. I have turned my nose up at hand outs, unless it is used clothing or when I am going through a difficult time. This winter break, more crap hit the fan. In case you did not know the story, I was someone who could be sold on just about anything. Just like this house. I was working at a job that paid me nearly $16 an hour without a degree. Then I lost that job and now I make way less. I like my job, the team is great and so is the boss person. I do not make enough. Because I was naive, Mabel convinced me that going to University of Phoenix would better my life. She called and called. I caved in because I wasn't doing anything with my life. I thought it would be one of those educations that lasted for about six months. As time went on, more classes appeared. I panicked because I thought this was temporary and I cannot afford any more bills than what I had. Only at this time, I was getting more information. It has been many years since I have been to school, I didn't know what to ask in the beginnning. I never paid for public school, I didn't know what to ask. Alana told me that I was in this for two years. I was worried because, again, I cannot afford more bills. I asked if I was getting billed because they had told me earlier that I did not have to worry. I was under the false impression that I was covered with the FASFA and I had already expressed numerous times that I do not want to pay for anything. Lies, lies, and more lies. Nobody gave me any straight answers. So, college is almost over. Four more classes and five more months. I am on break and trying to find a scholarship because Alan said that I would be worthy of them. I follow the link to find that I have a balance of about $20,000 when I thought it would be half as much. I am absolutely livid. I e-mail Alana telling her that the website does not make sense. I get a call back from both Alana and Jennifer. They help me find my lender. I am pissed because they told me all along that I do not have to worry about anything. I do have to worry, I did not want or need another bill. Jennifer spent her time over talking me and arguing. She claimed that they gave me all the details and by law they have to. I informed her of the expository on television, she interrupts me again saying they took that to court and won. Really? Well, I already am aware of their bad behaviour. Must I remind them that they harrassed me on the phone until I finally gave in? I told them I do not want to hear from them again and hung up. Jennifer called and I refused to answer, I really do not feel like talking to these two. I sent an email explaining that I was not told anything, do not call unless they can give me a legit link for help, and that I am sick of her talking over me. Jennifer asked me if I would still like to attend. I am offended by that because I do not want a $20,000 bill and no degree. It pissed me off because I have been attending for the past three years. (Yep, was two years but turned into three because people do not know how to leave me the hell alone in the house.)Alana sent me an e-mail explaining that the last four classes are about $5,000. I asked her if that was in addition to the bill. She gave me a subtle e-mail stating to watch my account. I want to have someone else, really, they are both fired. I need help finding something legit for a scholarship. I am not going to be able to pay for any of this. It may give me some more money come tax season. This loan is way too much. If University of Phoenix did not care about me an my situation, I do not think that there are any scholarships that are going to care. It is just like when I moved to Boise. Boise did not pay attention to me because I did not take any of their classes previously. It was my Junior year, how could I? I got a phone call from a transitional person from UoP. As far as furthering my education? I am seriously not going to further my education. I cannot go out and meet people going to school. What is the point of college if I cannot begin a life? Meh, bad men are trying to seduce me. It doesn't make a difference obviously. The point is, people already have a life going to college. Most people are fresh out of high school, happily married or divorced, and everyone has a family or a business. Me? I'm a single girl that never wanted an education. I'm just going where ever life takes me and I am more comfortable that way. By the way, does anyone else disagree with this new blogger set up?

Gendercide

I wish I had enough money so I could adopt a girl from India. They have a link for unique housing and they have had an overwhelming response.

If Unwanted, Why Have Them?

MUMBAI, India – More than 200 Indian girls whose names mean "unwanted" in Hindi have chosen new names for a fresh start in life.
A central Indian district held a renaming ceremony Saturday that it hopes will give the girls new dignity and help fight widespread gender discrimination that gives India a skewed gender ratio, with far more boys than girls.

The 285 girls -- wearing their best outfits with barrettes, braids and bows in their hair -- lined up to receive certificates with their new names along with small flower bouquets from Satara district officials in Maharashtra state.

In shedding names like "Nakusa" or "Nakushi," which mean "unwanted" in Hindi, some girls chose to name themselves after Bollywood stars such as "Aishwarya" or Hindu goddesses like "Savitri." Some just wanted traditional names with happier meanings, such as "Vaishali," or "prosperous, beautiful and good."

"Now in school, my classmates and friends will be calling me this new name, and that makes me very happy," said a 15-year-old girl who had been named Nakusa by a grandfather disappointed by her birth. She chose the new name "Ashmita," which means "very tough" or "rock hard" in Hindi.

The plight of girls in India came to a focus after this year's census showed the nation's sex ratio had dropped over the past decade from 927 girls for every 1,000 boys under the age of 6 to 914.

Maharashtra state's ratio is well below that, with just 883 girls for every 1,000 boys -- down from 913 a decade ago. In the district of Satara, it is even lower, at 881.

Such ratios are the result of abortions of female fetuses, or just sheer neglect leading to a higher death rate among girls. The problem is so serious in India that hospitals are legally banned from revealing the gender of an unborn fetus in order to prevent sex-selective abortions, though evidence suggests the information gets out.

Part of the reason Indians favor sons is the enormous expense of marrying off girls. Families often go into debt arranging marriages and paying for elaborate dowries. A boy, on the other hand, will one day bring home a bride and dowry. Hindu custom also dictates that only sons can light their parents' funeral pyres.

Over the years, and again now, efforts have been made to fight the discrimination.

"Nakusa is a very negative name as far as female discrimination is concerned," said Satara district health officer Dr. Bhagwan Pawar, who came up with the idea for the renaming ceremony.

Other incentives, announced by federal or state governments every few years, include free meals and free education to encourage people to take care of their girls, and even cash bonuses for families with girls who graduate from high school.

Activists say the name "unwanted," which is widely given to girls across India, gives them the feeling they are worthless and a burden.

"When the child thinks about it, you know, 'My mom, my dad, and all my relatives and society call me unwanted,' she will feel very bad and depressed," said Sudha Kankaria of the organization Save the Girl Child. But giving these girls new names is only the beginning, she said.

"We have to take care of the girls, their education and even financial and social security, or again the cycle is going to repeat," she said.


Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/world/2011/10/22/hundreds-indian-girls-named-unwanted-choose-new-names/#ixzz1hC3krxvh

Wish List

It is that time of year. I don't have a way to give presents. I don't expect presents. There are a couple of items I would like and some movies with Colin Farrell.


This looks really cool. Then again, it is from an infomercial. This would come in handy for the countless tree branches hovering over my lawn.

I have a radio, but it doesn't work anymore. I would like to have something that will play CD's and obsolete objects such as records and tapes.

This would be nice for the house. I don't know how old mine is, but it causes my gas bill to skyrocket. I haven't seen how much they are. I found one at Habitat for Humanity for a couple hundred bucks. Yes, I like recycled house parts.
Now, I have to go. I have a final project to finish and then it is winter break time!

winter break is coming

Sad Keanu

hmmmm

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I wonder if one of those phony owls will scare the cats away... It would probably be easier than trying to get an endangered species as a pet to eat them.

What is the Point of PETA?

I do not like activists. I hate them because they are telling people how to live and what to wear. I dislike them because they are a bunch of uneducated hypocrites. I would give you various examples to prove my point, but my gripe is about PETA and their wishful thinking for Turkey, Texas.
Lately, PETA has been making me gag. I read an article about their fantasy about having Lady Gaga dress up in a lettuce dress. White clouds, horseshoes, and unicorns. Seriously, who actually thinks Lady Gaga will do what you tell her to?
I watched on the news how PETA is telling Turkey, Texas that if they change their name for Thanksgiving they will treat them to a vegan dinner. Seriously? Turkey, Texas can be in honor of the bird. Hell, maybe turkeys helped them through a financial crisis. As far as a vegan dinner goes, make it for your own damn self.
What about the country Turkey? I wonder if they griped at them about that. What would they do if they discovered Chicken Dinner Road? If I was mayor of Turkey, Texas, I would say STFU.
What is the point of PETA, anyway? Are they a bunch of progressives educating Americans about the evils of eating meat? Don't they have better things to do? Sharks are mysteriously showing up in the forest. People are hoarding animals and not taking care of them (like my neighbors). Do something important instead of focusing on petty crap.
Happy Thanksgiving!

alien mythology

NO!!!!!!

I made up something I think of as mental rape. Someone unattractive with bad body odor tells me that they are attracted to me and that I have a beautiful body. YUCK!! Mike has offered to buy me gifts, I have told him no. He has told me how happy he is to live with a beautiful woman, I ignore him. In fact, when I respond I do not mention anything about his comments AT ALL.
What is most disturbing is that he emailed me twice his sick twisted sexual desires. I emailed him about my boyfriend and suddenly he wants to move. Then he tells me he will stay here until spring.
For my protection, my bedroom is moved. He lays a pinky on me, he is getting a broken pinky. The room was moved to make room for a new room mate. He emailed me again today how he enjoys living with me and blah blah blah. He says that he likes me and yadda yadda yadda. If one enjoys living here, they would show me respect. I replied with a short email saying hello and about my busy life. Work and school.
He sends another email today about his grandfather passing away. My condolences. Then in the email he tried to give me a guilt trip. He said he will leave me alone for a while and that maybe he will find another girl to focus his attention on. Really? I have a boyfriend, he should be focusing his attention elsewhere anyway! YUCK! If he is aware of the arrangement of being a roommate and nothing else, why hassle me?
The journey continues to find another room mate. I think he is playing mind games. He probably thinks he is pulling a fast one, my move is more swift than his. Besides, I can move way faster than he can.

Ready December 1st!

Ready December 1st!

Sick and Mortified

This is the time of year when people bail. If people are going to give their notice, they should say so and not be a sick fucking pig. Seriously, that is going to be part of the agreement.
The previous room mate tried to lie to me about his girlfriend breaking up with him. Really? Roger was an old chump that thought I was gullible. He fixed the hole in the wall. Why is it that men think I must have sex with them if I am renting a room to them?
Mike seemed polite. But, I became leery because he has been bitching about the trucking industry doing poor. Around this time, I was asking if anyone can help me. I do not know who to call that was close to me. I know the signs and I know what happens this time of year.
Kory responded, but I just met her and it would make me feel bad. I posted again. Mom responded, nothing had been done as of yet and I don't want to drag people from far away to move a bed. What is causing me distress is the fact that none of my friends were responding. Do they not care?
Mike began to act like a flake, just like the previous room mates did. He was acting aggressive and knocking on my door. He kept on hovering close to me. When my boyfriend was visiting, Mike was pacing back and forth. He asked me to give him a ride on Sunday morning. He left early and bitched that I did not show enough gratitude. I told him not to worry about the chores around the house, so, fuck you.
I apologized and told him thanks and told him that I really do not have the gumption to speak to anyone and I am going to school. He proceeds to send me sick emails about wanting to "have our bodies intertwined". Gross. I am sick to my stomach. He is as large as a whale and has bad body odor. I continue to do my school work and ignoring him. The next day, he sends me an email apologizing. Then after that came another email about sex and pleasuring himself. Fucking pig, if you want to put in your notice fucking say so.
I send him a response that I would prefer friendship and I have a boyfriend. No response until today. He tells me he found a place and he will be moving. Good, now I do not have to worry about being raped by this sack of shit. If he ever laid a pinky on me, he would lose that pinky. The bad part about this is that I have to be searching for another room mate.
In the meantime, I have been looking for ways to reduce my bills. It takes months to find someone because I must be selective. One in 10 people who come and look at the room are bi-polar and fresh out of the hospital. Eight of out of 10 people have a criminal record for fraud and are on academic probation. What is worse that one factory up the road closed and 500 people lost their job. Simplot is closing and 1,000 more are losing work.
I am talking to Chase and the car loan is going on that account. My associate asked me if that was financially responsible, yes it is because it will be the only way to survive since I want to get rid of Mike.

Silver Tongue Devil

I am going to vote for Obama. Why? Is it anyone's business? Not really, but I think it is important to express my opinion. I think Obama has some work to finish.
I am watching the circus of a campaign and I think the people are salacious idiots. I want to hear what they can do for this country, not what they are going to do to Obama. What on earth are they going to do that is so different that will fix this mess of a country?
Michelle Bachmann is a twit. How do people like her run for president? If there is a woman who should run for president, it should be Gabrielle Giffords. Anyone who survives a gunshot wound to the head is a bad ass. Of course, I shouldn't vote for someone because they are a bad ass.
Then we have Herman Cain. Did America think that we would get free pizza if he won the election? There is something evil about him. He has said that blacks are brainwashed. Cain already proved he is too outrageous to run for president.
Then we have women stepping up accusing him of sexual harassment. Then he does something that gave me the creeps. He sings and it sounds like he is singing a hymn. Anyone here watch Poltergeist movies? He reminded me a demon from one of the sequels. The circus carries on.
He is playing the racial card. Bill Clinton is white. Could it be that we *gasp!* learned our lesson? Paula Jones, Kathleen Willey, Juanita Broaddrick were we listening? We only paid attention when it came to Monica Lewinsky. No, Cain, it's not because you are African American. It is because we don't want to witness infidelity of our leader again.

Bettering My Life

Or perhaps, buttering my life to make it slippery and out of control. I am watching the globe spiral out of control and completely out of orbit. Yes, it is time to gripe about how idiotic this universe is.
If people were smart, they would be protesting in front of the capitol building. Who gave people that had money more money? Let me phrase it this way, banks have money. Why did the government give them money? Crooks take money and it vanishes. Ask the closest thief you know. Why people are protesting in front of financial institutions is beyond me. Maybe people are in hopes that the money will be given back? HA! That would be like asking for money back from that politician that stole a ton of money from Canyon County.
It has been a while. Yes, I am still going to school and 70% of it is done. Then, I am on a quest to get scholarships. The very thing that should have been told to me in the beginning. I get a funny phone call that makes me think, "University of Phoenix has got a lot of brass." They are a for profit school after all.
The university called to see if I was interested in continuing with a Bachelors. My social life is completely diminished. There is no way in hell I can go on dates. I will be 35 soon. Never been married and no children. Do I want that life? I have no idea. When I am done, I will be done. I will move on and try to sell the house so I can get out of this hell hole. Where am I going to go? No idea. I keep eyeballing San Juan like it is a freshly baked cake. It is a hop skip and a jump away from Sydney, Canada. What kind of occupation would I have there? Don't know, a writer? Journalist? Maybe go to a desolate area of Idaho and write nasty horror stories about this state. Perhaps, horror stories about going to college in this crappy economy at my age and lifestyle.
Granted, it has been interesting, fun, and aggravating. Friend says, I can quit. Really? And be left with $20,000?? No, that would be fucking stupid. My stupidity must stop. I was stupid and purchased a house where there is no work. I was stupid and listened to Mabel convince me that earning a degree will better my life.
I watched an interesting report on the news. Many, many people were holding signs on how much they owe in tuition...and no work. The signs were $30,000 and higher. No, I do not want to participate in this madness. It is madness. How is it bettering my life? HOW? Is bettering your life adding debt? No, a better life is stress free. Debt is not stress free.

X-Rated Music

Here we have a cheesy cover of Khia's Lick It. I find the most random stuff don't I?



This is Khia's song.

Wanted

A thought cam across my mind today. I want a new father. Mine...well, it just isn't working out.
He forgot my birthday a couple of years ago. His excuse was that he confused mine with Shykia's.
Okay, I know I am busy. My job is unable to give me a time off request. I have to go to school. My laptop is not portable because the battery will not stay charged. So, if I am invited somewhere the answer is probably, "I'm sorry, I cannot go anywhere." It does not hurt to ask me though or inform me about any exciting events.
I am single and need as much help as I can get. I ask if anyone can help me move my room, I do not get a response. I asked dad if I could get some assistance with a branch. I have a branch that will rip a cable off my roof and then there will be a hole.
I called Centurylink, nobody called me back. I am at a loss. I am helpless. My lawnmower quit working today. My friends are vanishing. Not that it mattered anyway, the disease ridden rodent has not called me for four years. I hate people who talk behind my back, so to spite them I do it right back.
So, dad was supposed to call me. He never did. I called and I was told he went to Oregon to visit Tim and go to a wedding for one of Aunt Sandy's kids. I was told he told everyone and quiet surprisingly not me. Really?
Why continue this childish Maughan feud? You really want to drag me into this vicious cycle? You people really sicken me. I never did shit. It is bad enough people are not talking to me but members of my own family?
I am not surprised that Aunt Sherry did not have a funeral. Maybe she did and I was not informed of that either. Why force me to be a recluse?
Dad did not tell me anything and did not call until today. Guess what? I did not answer. I am probably not going to answer ever again.

Canada

As Vancouver was hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, here are some silly questions that were asked by people from all over the world. Believe it or not, these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Web site. Obviously the answers are not to be taken seriously, but the questions were indeed asked and are now another addition to the collection of Canadian jokes!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto. Can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only 4,000 miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

There you have it, pure sarcasm as part of these Canadian jokes.

http://www.swanparadise.com/Canadian-Jokes.html

Dear Sprint

This is how Sprint works. The moment you get the phone, you automatically get an agreement. They refuse to replace the phone if you do not have insurance, it does not matter how new the phone is. If you have a problem, customer service will antagonize you. Each rep will treat you like garbage.
I have purchased insurance. THEY REPLACE IT WITH THE SAME PIECE OF CRAP PHONE. It is the insurance policy to replace the crappy model with the same thing. They replaced it three times. I removed the insurance because nobody was helping me. This has been the routine every single month for the past year.
They referred me to LG. LG gives me the run around. Sprint is wasting my time. I have told them numerous times I have to go to school and I cannot communicate with ANYONE because this phone is crap. Sprint wants me to spend more money on crap that I do not need. Sprint told me I should buy another phone. FUCK NO. Every single detail is being printed and mailed to Sprint corporate office, BBB, and the Attorney General. Sprint is a nightmare and Rumor Touch ruined my life.

I have every receipt and e-mail from all of this crap. I keep telling you people to waive the agreement. At this point, it is too late to save yourself. I have told you people that the phone is garbage. I have told you what I need and your company could not do it's job. I am posting this information in as many places that I can fathom.

For the Love of Pete, SHUT UP

It has been ten years since my first week at Boise West Carwash. It has been ten years since air planes were the horror in every person's dream. It has been ten years since they played the footage over and over again for hours straight for days.
The news for some reason cannot get enough of terrorizing viewers. Every single day for the past ten years, they have played the smoking towers. Every day, they play footage of the airplanes colliding with the buildings.
When they play this footage, they are airing people getting murdered. When they air this footage, they are airing people dieing. They are showing people falling to their death. Knock it off. It is already FRIED into our brains. For the ten year anniversary, I would like to not see that footage EVER again. Not to be insensitive, we get the point. Stop playing it and give people their dignity.
It appears that people care more about World Trade Center. What about the other flights. Wasn't one at the Pentagon? We are so obsessed with media addict New York. I can imagine what history books will look like. "The tragic events happened to the World Trade Center. Oh and by the way, the last plane crashed in a field."
The only detail I like is that people are airing stories of survival and putting lives back together again. I have been reading stories about what people are going through mentally and physically. I saw a story about a search and rescue dog that retired. A lady looking for her fiance during the tragic event got married.

Mom Got Green Bananas

PoF

Random stranger: Hello how are you?
After looking at his profile: Disappointed that someone like you has the gumption to send me a message when it says I want someone my age and you are old enough to be my father.
Seriously, are guys my age looking for minors on the Internet? People are hopeless. I read through the Idaho Statesman about online dating. The only thing I accessed were long lists of people who entice young children to meet them. A huge majority of the list were men starting at the age of 30.
There are no good guys. All the good guys are married. All the bad ones are cheating on their wife. I don't want to take my chances. Knowing my luck, if I ever get married, I will be cheated on. Or he may just vanish and never speak to me again.
I have been busy. I have a picky instructor again. I bust my hump to turn in a paper I enjoyed writing only to get an 85.
I need help moving my room. Just in case Mike bails on me. I asked about rent, he got grumpy. He was complaining last time how hard it is to get a job to deliver some stuff. This is making me nervous.
In other news, I am collecting Colin Farrell. I have In Bruges, Ondine, The New World, and Tigerland. If anyone has a spare Colin Farrell movie they want to get rid of, send them my way.

random rambling

School has turned me into a monster. People say negative things about UoP. What school does not harass you? Who gave the school your name? You did. Just as I did. So here I am and you negative Nancy's are not fooling anyone.
So, the new classes begin. I have to speak to Pell about covering the final year. I have a cruddy adviser if they pay for it. She said I am deserving of a scholarship. I have straight A's. I am not going to afford to pay for anything once everything is all said and done. I must hurry and do something.
I know a few more things about the computer. I use my tricks at work. I can switch screens by pushing buttons. This task is more fun with the new version of windows. I like alt codes. ♪♫ I have a little too much fun! ♫♪ To top off the fun, I have critical thinking skills. Be afraid, be very afraid.
What's new? Not much. I still do not have time. Even more so. I will be cracking away at school for the next year. The roommate is home until Tuesday. I think i am going to rent another room before the economy is completely in the crapper.
Amy Winehouse...well, you know the story. Sad celebrity, stupid celebrity, waste of talent. You would think that people would learn after so many deaths. Stupid, gullible humans.
Hopefully, I will have time to go out. My friend is having a birthday party. Why does everything have to take place on Saturday? Does anyone else work on Saturday besides me? Oh, that's right. A huge chunk of the country is unemployed, what was I thinking? How the hell can they afford to go to the bar? NPR had a report that people make stupid financial decisions when it is risky. Yep, we can kiss the economy good-bye!

Not Too Far From The Truth

Mom Needs a Tortoise

Mother & Daughter Communication

TODAY updated 5/9/2006 http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/12689633/


As part of the “Today” show’s special series “Listen to Me, I’m Your Mother!,” we’re taking a look at what makes mother and daughter relationships so unique and yet so complicated. Deborah Tannen, author of “You're Wearing That? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation,” was invited on the show to discuss how mothers and daughters communicate with each other and how misunderstandings can occur. In her book, Tannen, a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, writes that mothers and daughters speak the same language, but have different expectations. Here's an excerpt:

Chapter 1
Can We Talk?
Mothers and Daughters in Conversation
My daughters can turn my day black in a millisecond,” says a woman whose two daughters are in their thirties.

Another woman tells me, “Sometimes I’ll be talking on the phone to my mom, and everything’s going fine, then all of a sudden she’ll say something that makes me so mad, I just hang up. Later I can’t believe I did that. I would never hang up on anyone else.”

But I also hear comments like these: “No one supports me and makes me feel good like my mother. She’s always on my side.” And from the mother of a grown daughter: “I feel very lucky and close with my daughter, and particularly since I didn’t have a close relationship with my mother, it’s very validating for me and healing.”

Mothers and daughters find in each other the source of great comfort but also of great pain. We talk to each other in better and worse ways than we talk to anyone else. And these extremes can coexist within the same daughter-mother pairs. Two sisters were in an elevator in the hospital where their mother was nearing the end of her life. “How will you feel when she’s gone?” one asked. Her sister replied, “One part of me feels, How will I survive? The other part feels, Ding-dong, the witch is dead.”

The part of a daughter that feels “How will I survive?” reflects passionate connection: Wanting to talk to your mother can be a visceral, almost physical longing, whether she lives next door, in a distant state, in another country — or if she is no longer living on this earth. But the part that sees your mother as a wicked witch — a malevolent woman with magical power — reflects the way your anger can flare when a rejection, a disapproving word, or the sense that she’s still treating you like a child causes visceral pain. American popular culture, like individuals in daily life, tends to either romanticize or demonize mothers. We ricochet between “Everything I ever accomplished I owe to my mother” and “Every problem I have in my life is my mother’s fault.” Both convictions come laden with powerful emotions. I was amazed by how many women, in the midst of e-mails telling me about their mothers, wrote, “I am crying as I write this.”

Women as mothers grapple with corresponding contradictions. The adoration they feel for their grown daughters, mixed with the sense of responsibility for their well-being, can be overwhelming, matched only by the hurt they feel when their attempts to help or just stay connected are rebuffed or even excoriated as criticism or devilish interference. And the fact that these pushes and pulls continue after their daughters are grown is itself a surprise, and not a pleasant one. A woman in her sixties expressed this: “I always assumed that once my daughter became an adult, the problems would be over,” she said. “We’d be friends; we’d just enjoy each other. But you find yourself getting older, things start to hurt, and on top of that, there are all these complications with your daughter. It’s a big disappointment.”

Small Spark, Big Flare-up
Especially disappointing — and puzzling — is that hurt feelings and even arguments can be sparked by the smallest, seemingly insignificant remarks. Here’s an example that comes from a student in one of my classes named Kathryn Ann Harrison.

“Are you going to quarter those tomatoes?” Kathryn heard her mother’s voice as she was preparing a salad. Kathryn stiffened, and her pulse quickened. “Well, I was,” she answered. Her mother responded, “Oh, okay,” but the tone of her voice and the look on her face prompted Kathryn to ask, “Is that wrong?”

“No, no,” her mother replied. “It’s just that personally, I would slice them.”

Kathryn’s response was terse: “Fine.” But as she cut the tomatoes — in slices — she thought, Can’t I do anything without my mother letting me know she thinks I should do it some other way?

I am willing to wager that Kathryn’s mother thought she had asked a question about cutting a tomato. What could be more trivial than that? But her daughter bristled because she heard the implication “You don’t know what you’re doing. I know better.”

When daughters react with annoyance or even anger at the smallest, seemingly innocent remarks, mothers get the feeling that talking to their daughters can be like walking on eggshells: they have to watch every word.

A mother’s questions and comments which seem to imply that a daughter should do things another way can spark disproportionate responses because they bring into focus one of the central conundrums of mother-daughter relationships: the double meaning of connection and control. Many mothers and daughters are as close as any two people can be, but closeness always carries with it the need, indeed the desire, to consider how your actions will affect the other person, and this can make you feel that you are no longer in control of your own life. Any word or action intended in the spirit of connection can be interpreted as a sign that the other person is trying to control you. This double meaning was crystallized in a comment that one woman made: “My daughter used to call me every day,” she said. “I loved it. But then she stopped. I understand. She got married, she’s busy, she felt she had to loosen the bonds. I understand, but I still miss those calls.” In the phrase “loosen the bonds” lies the double meaning of connection and control. The word “bonds” evokes the connection of “a close bond” but also the control of “bondage”: being tied up, not free.

There is yet another reason that a small comment or suggestion can grate: It can come across as a vote of no confidence. This is annoying coming from anyone, but it’s especially hurtful when it comes from the person whose opinion counts most — your mother. Unaccountable as this may seem to mothers, the smallest remark can bring into focus the biggest question that hovers over nearly all conversations between mothers and daughters: Do you see me for who I am? And is who I am okay? When mothers’ comments to daughters (or, for that matter, daughters’ comments to mothers) seem to answer that question in the affirmative, it’s deeply reassuring: all’s right with the world. But when their words seem to imply that the answer is No, there’s something wrong with what you’re doing, then daughters (and, later in life, mothers) can feel the ground on which they stand begin to tremble: They start to doubt whether how they do things, and therefore who they are, really is okay.

You’re Not Going to Wear That, Are You?
Loraine was spending a week visiting her mother, who lived in a senior living complex. One evening they were about to go down to dinner in the dining room. As Loraine headed for the door, her mother hesitated. Scanning her daughter from head to toe, she asked, “You’re not going to wear that, are you?”

“Why not?” Loraine asked, her blood pressure rising. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Well, people tend to dress nicely for dinner here, that’s all,” her mother explained, further offending her daughter by implying that she was not dressed nicely.

Her mother’s negative questions always rubbed Loraine the wrong way, because they so obviously weren’t questions at all. “Why do you always disapprove of my clothes?” she asked.

Now her mother got that hurt look which implied it was Loraine who was being a cad. “I don’t disapprove,” she protested. “I just thought you might want to wear something else.”

A way to understand the difference between what Loraine heard and what her mother said she meant is the distinction between message and metamessage. When she said “I don’t disapprove,” Loraine’s mother was referring to the message: the literal meaning of the words she spoke. The disapproval Loraine heard was the metamessage — that is, the implications of her mother’s words. Everything we say has meaning on these two levels. The message is the meaning that resides in the dictionary definitions of words. Everyone usually agrees on this. But people frequently differ on how to interpret the words, because interpretations depend on metamessages — the meaning gleaned from how something is said, or from the fact that it is said at all. Emotional responses are often triggered by metamessages.

When Loraine’s mother said “I don’t disapprove,” she was doing what I call “crying literal meaning”: She could take cover in the message and claim responsibility only for the literal meaning of her words. When someone cries literal meaning, it is hard to resolve disputes, because you end up talking about the meaning of the message when it was the meaning of the metamessage that got your goat. It’s not that some utterances have metamessages, or hidden meanings, while others don’t. Everything we say has metamessages indicating how our words are to be interpreted: Is this a serious statement or a joke? Does it show annoyance or goodwill? Most of the time, metamessages are communicated and interpreted without notice because, as far as anyone can tell, the speaker and the hearer agree on their meaning. It’s only when the metamessage the speaker intends — or acknowledges — doesn’t match the one the hearer perceives that we notice and pay attention to them.

In interpreting her mother’s question as a sign of disapproval, Loraine was also drawing on past conversations. She couldn’t count the times her mother had commented, on this visit and on all the previous ones, “You’re wearing that?” And therein lies another reason that anything said between mothers and daughters can either warm our hearts or raise our hackles: Their conversations have a long history, going back literally to the start of the daughter’s life. So anything either one says at a given moment takes meaning not only from the words spoken at that moment but from all the conversations they have had in the past. This works in both positive and negative ways. We come to expect certain kinds of comments from each other, and are primed to interpret what we hear in that familiar spirit.

Even a gift, a gesture whose message is clearly for connection, can carry a metamessage of criticism in the context of conversations that took place in the past. If a daughter gives her artist mother a gift certificate to an upscale clothing store, it may be resented if her daughter has told her again and again, “You’re too old to keep dressing like a hippie, Mom.” And criticism may be the impression if a mother who has made clear she can’t stand her daughter’s messy kitchen gives her as a gift an expensive organizer for kitchen utensils. The gift giver may be incensed that her generosity has been underappreciated, but the lack of gratitude has less to do with the message of the gift than with the metamessage it implies, which came from past conversations.

The long history of conversations that family members share contributes not only to how listeners interpret words but also to how speakers choose them. One woman I talked to put it this way: “Words are like touch. They can caress or they can scratch. When I talk to my children, my words often end up scratching. I don’t want to use words that way, but I can’t help it. I know their sensitivities, so I know what will have an effect on them. And if I’m feeling hurt by something they said or did, I say things that I know will scratch. It happens somewhere in a zone between instinct and intention.” This observation articulates the power of language to convey meanings that are not found in the literal definitions of words. It highlights how we use past conversations as a resource for meaning in present ones. At the same time, it describes the distinction between message and metamessage, a distinction that will be important in all the conversations examined in this book.

Who Cares?
While talking casually to her husband, Joanna absentmindedly tugs at a hangnail until the skin tears and a tiny droplet of blood appears. Unthinking, she holds it out before her husband’s eyes. “Put on a Band-Aid,” he says flatly. Her husband’s non-reaction makes Joanna wonder why she showed him so insignificant an injury. And then she realizes: She developed the habit of displaying her wounds, no matter how small, to her mother. Had she shown the ever so slightly broken skin to her, her mother would have reached out, taken Joanna’s finger in her hand, and examined it with a soothing grimace. Joanna was looking for that glance of sympathy, that fleeting reminder that someone else shares her universe. Who but her mother would regard so small an injury as worthy of attention? No one — because her mother would be responding not to the wound but to Joanna’s gesture in showing it to her. It isn’t only, isn’t really, concern for the torn hangnail that her mother shares but a subtle language of connection: The tiny drop of blood is an excuse for Joanna to remind her mother “I’m here” and for her mother to reassure her daughter “I care.”

Many women develop the habit of telling their mothers about minor misfortunes because they treasure the metamessage of caring they know they will hear in response, though, like Joanna, they may not notice until they get a different response from someone else. This also happened to a student in one of my classes, Carrie, when she was sick with the flu and called home. Carrie usually talked to her mother when she called, but this time her mother was out of the country, so she spoke to her father instead. This is how Carrie recounted the conversation in a class assignment:

Carrie: Hey, Daddy. I’m sick with the flu. It’s absolutely awful.

Dad: Well, take some medicine.

Carrie: I already did, but I still feel terrible.

Dad: Well then, go to the doctor.

Carrie: But everyone else at school is sick too. I couldn’t get an appointment for today.

Dad: Well, then, I’m sorry. I can’t help you there.

In commenting on this conversation, Carrie explained that she knows perfectly well to take medicine and go to the doctor when she’s sick. What she had been looking for when she called home was a metamessage of caring. In her words: “I am used to talking to my mother and having her fuss and worry over the smallest of my problems.” In contrast to her mother’s characteristic response, her father’s pragmatic approach came across as indifference and left her feeling dissatisfied, even slightly hurt.

Excerpted from "You're Wearing That?" by Deborah Tannen. Copyright © 2006 by Deborah Tannen. Excerpted by permission of Random House, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Live, Crawfish, Live!

(Reuters) - Instead of plunging headfirst to their death in a pot of boiling water, 534 live lobsters escaped the dinner plate and belly flopped to freedom into the dark waters of the Atlantic Ocean.

A group of Tibetan Buddhists flanked the sides of a whale-watching boat at dusk on Wednesday, sprayed the lobsters with blessed water, clipped the bands binding their dangerous claws and released them one by one into the deep water below.

The 30 Buddhists of all ages trekked to this northern Massachusetts fishing hub to buy 600 pounds of lobster from a seafood wholesaler and save the critters from imminent death.

The lobster liberation was scheduled for August 3, which is Wheel Turning Day on this year's Tibetan lunar calendar, the anniversary of the first sermon Buddha taught. On this holiday, the merit for positive actions is multiplied many times.

"Even if they get captured again, they've had a longer life," said Wendy Cook, former director at the Kurukulla Center for Tibetan Buddhist Studies in Medford, north of Boston.

Buddhists from the center typically liberate masses of the expensive seafood a couple times each year.

Cook, a yoga instructor, led a ceremony that included prayers, mantras and walking boxes of the lobsters in a circle around blessed objects. This develops a karmic connection for the animals' future lifetimes and help ease future suffering, she said.

Monk Geshe Tenley, Kurukulla Center's resident teacher, who was wearing a saffron robe, released the first lobster.

In India, Geshe Tenley said, cows, sheep and even goats are purchased and saved from slaughter. But here in New England, saving the lobsters and extending their lives -- even if just for an hour -- is most practical and a real way the group can make a difference in the lobsters' existence and their own.

"It's rethinking the way you normally see these creatures," said Victoria Fan, a graduate student who participated in the ceremony steps away from a sign for $15.99 lobster dinners.

"You're supposed to view them equally. Their happiness is as important as your happiness, their suffering is as important as your suffering," Fan said.

(Editing by Barbara Goldberg and Jerry Norton)

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/08/05/us-lobsters-buddhists-odd-idUSTRE7743ZG20110805

Prrrrrrrr

Where Nobody Can Hear You Scream

I have yet again ran into an obstacle. Never in my working history have I had any problems with my paychecks. My job is shorting hours.
We are dealing with technology. It is not perfect because it is made by humans. But, NO, the payroll system is PERFECT!! Fuckers. They always say, "We overpaid you, our system recognizes when there is an error." We are right, you are wrong. I have been shorted hours. I am taking screen shots and sending it to the department of labor. Now, let's see what excuse they come up with.
I am searching for new employment while I still can. Ultimately, I will have to rent out another room. No jobs pay more than $10.50 per hour. Thank-you DirecTV for screwing up my life. I hope the millions of customers you have finally realize that you are high maintenance and find that programming online is better.
I am stuck on my project for school. My final project is to find a communication barrier and solve it. Gee, I have a large supply of people I do not communicate with. I thought my communication barrier with mother would be a good idea. Many mothers and daughters have a communication barrier. I think it would be a difficult assignment. I do not visit much. I think the last time I saw mom, I was showing poor communication skills. One barrier so far is technology.
It could be who I know has a communication barrier. I spoke too much about my father. Men communicate differently than women, men communicate differently than women.
I think my problem is that I speak about other people. I have not really focused on myself and how to overcome my own barrier. I am shy and do not communicate because of negative experience. I use technology to express myself. I do not think that I would be able to do a final assignment about a communication barrier I have with myself. Can I?
I spent time with mom for my birthday. We saw the latest Harry Potter, it was bad ass. We went to an excellent Thai restaurant. On my birthday, I worked. I came to work to find confetti, balloons, and a cupcake. Then, I spent the rest of the day alone. Dad called, he didn't say happy birthday. He just called to let me know when he was coming over. Sheesh. We had a pretty good BBQ. I had to buy a new one because some asshole broke the other one.
I feel alone. I gave up on POF, my current boyfriend already has a woman in his life. All I want to be is negative. Monster person who is not a good friend is pregnant. All I want to do is wish her ill.
I wish I had time and money to get out of the house. I would take the dogs for a walk but I do not feel like breaking up a dog fight. I'm too far away from people.

Getting Closer

Unfortunately, I have to be working.

Harassment

The neighbors across the street are breeding like rabbits. They have all of these boys jumping everywhere. They go on my yard to break things.
Last week I told them to get off my yard. They were tearing up my cherry tree. I have come home to a shattered ash tray on my side walk. The day before yesterday, I was watering my yard.
The boy next door told me that the kids were in my yard banging my welcome sign on my mail box. I put on my shoes and walk across the street. I knock on the door and this trashy, pregnant woman answers.
"The boys here, they need to stay off my yard. It is bad enough I have to clean up after all of these cats and clean up the mess my ex left, I have to clean up after your boys. If they do not stay off my yard I will call the cops." I told her.
She gets huffy and puffy, "You could have asked me politely. You do not have to be threatening me."
"Your boys were slamming my sign on my mail box today.
Snotty bitch, "Whatever, they have been at the lake all day today." She slams the door.
Really?? I own my house, they rent theirs. I have every right to tell the cunt to keep her boys off my yard. They have no right to be on my yard making a mess out of it. If they need to grab a lost ball, I am fine if they get it. I am not fine if they want to come and ruin my house. She wants to keep popping kids out and not take care of them? They are playing on every body's yard!
I have a no trespassing sign in my front yard. I call the cops about the inbreeds playing in my yard. They say that I have to have a cop talk to them in order to press charges on them in the future. Fine, I want that. I have a cop come over. I tell them of the hardship these people (animals) are causing. The cop went over to talk to them.
I was working on class last night. I hear something get shattered. The dogs go crazy. I run outside and looked around the yard. I do not see anyone. I go to the car and it looks fine. I go back in and turn on the porch light.
I go outside this morning to move my sprinkler. There is glass all over my steps. Someone had broke my light. Again, I have to waste my time calling the cops. This time, I am also asking people for the phone number for the owner of the house.
The cop cannot do anything because nobody witnessed anything. At least I will have a cop talking to them to make them aware that I am serious. As soon as I have the homeowners number, I will call him about the trash in his house. Hopefully, I can get them evicted.
It reminds me of when I was living in Monte Vista. There was a fat bitch with a ton of children. I was just walking down the road and she starts yelling at me, "What did you call me?!" People call other neighbors for no reason in a trailer court. If one mother is calling another just to have a strangers baby smacked around, I would call it third party child abuse.

Father's Day

I have had a slightly entertaining weekend. I went to my first roller derby. It was awesome. I saw a girl cry after she nearly broke her nose.
I have been trying to visit dad. This is an impossible mission because it is hard to contact him. It does not matter if he has a cell phone with him.
I sat an chit chatted for a little bit. Justin called and he spoke to him for a little while. He told dad about a girl I knew a long time ago died about a year ago. I used to run around Kuna until the wee hours of the morning with her.
I tried to find some barrier, there is always some kind of barrier when I am speaking to dad. I noticed that some of the communication is impersonal and not interpersonal. I have been reading that men focus on one part of a conversation while women focus on a different part.
Oh yes, my communication class finally began. It never really did because the classes and most of the website vanished from Sunday until Wednesday. Then my assignment section was not up and running until Friday. Everything is finally back to normal again. I think it all went down because University of Phoenix turned their website into some social network.
I have been busy with that and trying to visit people. I went to see Autumn at Quinns. I found a new place in Boise that I enjoy. I have never been to Quinns, that place is pretty cool.
I am still putting my home back together again. I pulled the weeds along the side of the house and my garbage cans are full. I started to shovel dirt back into the hole. There was a huge pile of dirt next to the house. Next, is the pile of dirt and weeds in the back yard.
For now, I am going to relax. It is going to be a long and busy day.

Distractions

Whenever I have a paper or a test, my phone is ringing. I have a final this week. I have spent today on the phone. My classes had to be built again, they vanished because of a conflict with the schedule. I chose some religion class, history, and life science.
I had to stand outside because my phone was cutting out. So, I could not work on class. As soon as I begin once more, dad calls. The phone is cutting out again and it dropped the call. I had to go outside and call him back. He told me that Aunt Sherry was in the hospital. So, I was getting more distracted.
While I was outside talking on the phone, I was chasing cats off my yard. They have officially turned into a pest problem. I run after them, they come back. I throw things at them, they come back.
Joel invited me to lunch in Boise. As I left the house, I chased more cats. On the way to Boise, I began to think that I should have a water gun. Yes, I can't get in trouble for spraying cats with water.
We go to lunch. As soon as I get food on the table, dad calls again. Aunt Sherry passed away. I didn't eat much of my lunch.
I never spent too much time with her. We used to take trips. We went to McCall for the ice festival thing. We went to Oregon a few times to visit Aunt Sandy.
I should be working on my final right now. I can't focus on it right now. I'll probably work on a few problems today.

Me Griping Again

I feel that the world is against me again. There are rules at work that I must follow. I notice that I will get into a habit when it is okay to do one thing even though the rules say otherwise. I was going with these habits and made a total ass of myself.
Needless to say, I felt disappointed in myself. I felt even worse when the guy was apologizing. It has been like this for a few days. I am sure I will be demoted. If I am, I will look for new employment. It will be difficult because the factory up the road from me will be the cause of 500 people looking for work. I will never find anything local.
I am inches away from doing a short sale. I am not happy living in Nampa. My guy was telling me that he can finally smell the stench of the cats. It is so bad, I have to use a shovel. The neighbors can have the crap back, so it goes back over the fence. Not to mention that jobs are scarce and I have to commute for a low wage. I do not have the time or energy to do mandatory overtime. Yep, school was such a great idea. Can you hear my sarcasm? I will not be continuing for the Bachelors degree.
I don't know what to make of this situation. Nothing is getting better. Nobody is getting off their fat lazy ass to make it better. I have to have a room mate just to keep my head above water, this is bullshit. If you ever have a real estate agent that is ignoring your request to live closer to where there is work, tell him or her to fuck off and get another agent.

Thank God, Now I'm Sore

It has been three years since I have signed the paperwork for the house. A novel full of my signatures. Sign, sign, sign and now I am very familiar with my mailing address.
It's been about a year since a human being ruined my house. It has been a year since my big backyard was filled with a large tree.
Now, I ache. I repainted two windows that were ruined. I mowed the yard by myself after someone trying to convince me that I could not do it without him. Dad came over yesterday and we cleared that huge pile of garbage from the back. We were going to pick up two piles, but he did not arrive until 2:30PM. I had an assignment. We were not finished until 6:00PM. Then, I was too tired to finish my assignment or post two substantive responses.
I have been brave enough to venture to work, people have been acting more erratically than normal. I think that people have become worse since the rapture. I think America is pissed off because it did not happen. I honestly believe that it will happen without us knowing when it is coming. Kind of like when someone passes away; you never know when it is going to happen. None of us are getting off alive anyway.
What the hell is with the new Internet Explorer? Everything was working fine until it upgraded. Now, I am stuck using Firefox. I am not happy. I hate Chrome because it takes up space.

Sick Day

Yesterday, I went to work. After the first call, my throat was bothering me. I asked if anyone has a cough drop and I am bombarded with cough drops. I can't figure out what I did with mine. The day wore on, conversation after conversation, my body begins to ache and my skin feels hot.
As soon as I get home, I fall asleep. I slept until 3am, my throat feels horrible. It hurt too much to speak. So, I called in sick. I spent the day drinking Theraflu and taking night time pills.
I begin to feel better by the hour. Then my throat begins to act up again. I pretty much spent the day sleeping, playing online games, and doing homework.
The only thing I have been hoping for is for some fairy to come by with something edible. Maybe bring me a DVD of Conan O'Brien episodes. That is virtually impossible. I have one DVD and it is of his 10th anniversary.
I am addicted to him right now. I ran out of clips to watch on YouTube. (I even ran out of videos to watch of another individual I love to watch! How is that possible, he has over 500 videos?? GRR!) I have been visting the TBS website and it takes forever to see a new episode. I don't have television and I don't have cable. The only people I know with cable are my parents and it would cost me too much money in gas. I just got a new room mate, so I am currently readjusting my life and my finances.

Trip to Canada

I do not know what it is, I keep having dreams about being in water. Last night, I had this dream that there was a huge flood. I was swimming to find dry land and avoided a black shark.
I met with someone and we kept swimming. We swam to some grassy hills and sat to dry. The guy I was with starts talking to someone else below us. There was a gate with a couple of guards. It turned out that we swam to Canada.
The whole world ended up under water except for Canada. We were let in to Canada. Then I started to go to school and I saw Ryan Reynolds sitting in front of me. Second dream with him, weird.

My Trip To France

Lately, I have been full of piss and vinegar. I have been so hyper, my associate was in a mirth of laughter. My brain is a bit active.
I had this weird dream the other night. It was set in France. This song called Do U Lie was the theme song. Normally, you cannot hear people talk in your sleep. There was definitely some audio.
I was going to the beach during the evening. Sitting all over the beach were baby dolls. They all had a big happy grin on their face. I kept on walking down the beach until I was in the water. Under the water were frightened baby dolls.
Swimming next to them were these ugly dark blue eels. Then I saw Ryan Reynolds riding a bike under water.
There you go, randomness of the day.

I, The Outcast

I was bullied in school. Students tormented me and teachers tormented me. Teachers think that they have every right to treat their pupils like their own children. So, if they abuse their kids at home, they can abuse students. Just ask Mrs. Slagle who violently poked me in the back when she was pissed off at me.
I never noticed anyone who actually did have an interest in me. Maybe taking all those medications made me aloof to potential friends. It certainly made me aloof to school, it is a wonder I learned anything. A majority of my education was from my own personal research and watching television.
The biggest reason why I never wanted to go to school was because I was mistreated. I always thought that I had a learning disability when all along I had a different learning style. They medicated me. I support home schooling, that way children are not abused by teachers or put in danger of random violence.
I like the concept of University of Phoenix, I do not have to face the instructors. The bad part is if there is a technical problem, it is hard to get in touch with someone who will listen. That and they will not tell you much information when they trick you into going.
I was quite surprised when Sarah was talking to me. She told me that she thought I was interesting. I randomly run into people that I never thought would be nice to me. I don't remember talking much to them. I am shy, so I keep to myself.
Today, I ran into someone else from school. I was just getting done eating some breakfast and suddenly another guy that arrived started to speak to me. It was really weird, I remembered his first name. He showed me pictures of his kids. We talked briefly about what is going on in our lives. He was in a coma after trying to end his life. His ex ended up taking all of his money while he was in a coma. Sounded like someone I know would do.
I think that school bullying should not be tolerated. I think that students should be taught how to be open minded. Social skills and tolerance, that is something that was never taught in Emmett High or Borah. I would be a different person today if school was better to me.

They Shoot Idahoans Don't They?

There is something about Idaho when someone makes a movie. It is if nobody cares about us here. When a movie is made people are like, "They love us! They really love us!!"
I went to Preston, Idaho to do some research on the Bear River Massacre. The town is a sleepy place. They know who I am, they may not know my name, but they know who I am. During my trip, I noticed that everyone has Napoleon Dynamite posters. This is as exciting as it gets in Preston.
Lately, there was a movie that seems to have been pulled out from underground. It is called The Sanguinarian. It is a movie written by and stars Charles Beal who was an Emmett High student and someone I dated briefly. The genre does not surprise me, he is into vampire stories. The movie looks really cool and I think it was recently released on DVD. Now is my chance to see it!

Another one that people are thrilled about is Bronco Billy. I saw on the news this morning that someone wrote a book about when the movie was made here in Idaho about 30 years ago. This one is a bigger deal because of Clint Eastwood. I do not feel like it is a big deal, I understand he visits Idaho sometimes. We also have Bruce Willis, who is portrayed as a douche bag in Blaine County.
So what, movies have been shot in Idaho. Even some television episodes are shot here. I think us small town folk are the ones that are going to put Idaho on the map.

Down With American Idol!

I do not watch American Idol. There is something about these shows that make me sick. Not only that, I do not have television except for channel 6 and PBS. Sometimes I will see these random clips.
When I first learned that Steve Tyler and Jennifer Lopez were gong to be judges, I thought it would be interesting. I was correct. It is so interesting, it makes me sick.
I think my admiration for Steve Tyler has increased. He is such a sweet man. Jennifer Lopez, well, she is just Jennifer Lopez. I was a fan of hers until she released an album.
She is even more irritating on American Idol. She whines and snivels and I wish that they would just remove her from the show. I watched a clip where she broke down because someone was voted off. Then it happened again when another person was voted off that she likes. Can someone please vote Jennifer off?
I am surprised at the other celebrities whining and sniveling about America not picking what celebrities want. Isn't that how they become celebrities?? America chose to be your fans, you can lose your fans just as easily. America is voting for contestants on American Idol. If celebrities are so obsessed about who chooses who, make your own damn recording studio. See how well you do if we Americans choose to buy your albums.
I want to make a parody of American Idol. In a scene, we have a contestant singing their heart out and not doing a good job at it. Then the contestant is voted off. Then Jennifer throws a temper tantrum, "WHY?! WHY?! Wahahawhyyy?" Then a trap door opens up beneath her and she falls down it. American Idol would probably get higher ratings.

Don't Buy Acer

It was a nice computer, was. It can hold more data than the Compaq that I have. After having it for ABOUT a year, the battery died. It turned out that Acer uses crappy batteries.
I purchased another battery. It charged the battery up. It was fine for a week. It is not charging the battery again. I read reviews that the motherboard is faulty and does not read the battery.
I cannot contact Acer. In fact, their technical website is down. Last time I called them, they will want $100 to look at it. This means I have to send the computer to them. My old Compaq does not do this. I have had that computer for several years and never had to replace anything on it. Perhaps I should stick more memory on it and use that instead.
If you plan on buying an Acer, do not do it. They are cheap for a reason.

Dear "Pastor" Terry Jones

Okay, everyone here in the United States has freedom of speech. You burned a holy book and sparked an outcry in the Middle East. The response in the Middle East was their own action just like you burning their book is your own action.
The point is you are teaching hate. Freedom of speech for this monstrous act is the same as saying Phillip Greaves writing The Pedophiles Guide to Love and Pleasure is freedom of speech. That makes the both of you sick twisted fucks. I can't stop thinking of comparing you to the Ku Klux Klan.
If anyone wants to bring religion into this, how about eye for an eye? I think it would be fair of them to burn the Bible. Religious hypocrites commit violent acts here in America all the time.
I thought that people should burn your church. That would be a bad idea because your supporters would start burning mosques. You should lose your position as a pastor.
If you don't like something, don't read it. The Quran did not do anything to you. Muslims did not do anything to you. The attack on 9/11/01 was committed by a bunch of neanderthals that have been terrorising the Middle East for a long time. The only way to stop terrorism is to not fuel it.
Last time I went to church, I learned that God is forgiving and does not hate anyone. Everyone is equal no matter what religion you are. You are teaching hate about something that has nothing to do with you. The act has nothing to do with the people in the Middle East and now there are riots happening. Several people who work for the U.N. have died because of you, Terry Jones. You ignored the warnings from the first time to not burn that book.
There are limits to freedom of speech. It would be a wonder if you are not arrested for antagonizing Muslims. You also violated the rights of Muslims in America, everyone here has freedom of religion. Do you remember that many Americans are here because they wanted freedom to practice any religion?
Not only that, you put America at risk for the gas prices soaring even higher. This economy is already fragile, it is difficult enough to buy fuel to commute to work. Not only are Muslims going to hate you, America will hate you to. Families of U.N. workers will hate you as well.
I know you do not care because you are a miserable shit. Hopefully, you will think about your actions when Muslims turn around and do the same shit that you did.

I was homeless once, but only for a few days. I observed how immature homeless people are. Most people do not deserve to be in a place like a homeless shelter. Most people are homeless for a reason and deserve to live on the street.
The prick that I dumped, lives in a tent. I was taking a test, I was already struggling to the point that dyslexia was kicking in. The fuck tells me that my life is messed up. Really? Who is living on the street and has no job? Not me.
The distraction caused me to get a crappy grade. I deleted him from every profile and blocked him and told him what a fucktard he is. He went off on me two days later telling me I am fucking retarded and I better leave him alone if I knew what was best for me. Whatever, I never did anything to deserve that treatment. Thank God it never got as far as him moving to Idaho.
Final test is coming up this week. I can only pray that I can figure out two types of equations before I begin and fuck up again. I have been watching the news on the only channel I have.
People are really funny. Radiation, something we have every day. Even more so in Idaho, I really doubt we would notice to be honest. I wonder what it was like when Japan was bombed. I don't think anyone cared to notice what the consequences may be. People are born with deformities in Hiroshima. That was how many years ago?
What's new? Robert seems to still be interested in me. My shift is changing in a couple of weeks.

Should I, Shouldn't I?

The ongoing thought of the day is the same phrase that every guy has ever told me. "You can have any guy that you want." My reply is naturally, but I want to be with you. Of course, the guy means you can have anyone you want except for me.
Many years of reading between the lines. I went fishing again. Some of the same characters that make me sick sent me messages again. I found another area called "Meet me". One in particular responded.
I am a little bit skittish right now. I had went through too much with men. I did. I am still cleaning up after one. All people want to do is play. Fine, I would rather be by myself.
Now, we have Robert. A Virgo, which I kind of get along with. Younger than me, has two adorable children and is divorced. From Emmett. I have pondered what it would be like to date someone from Emmett. It feels weird, it would be like dating your own family...in most cases you are.
My nerves are racked, I went to meet him. It was a nice time despite the crappy service at Sheri's. He's a movie fan and a little shocked at how many movies I have. Then we went to the movies last night. We went to Denny's and found that they have bacon milk shakes. WTF?
Next week is my final week in the first Algebra class. I do have a test that I may be working on all week. I hope all turns out well, I have been waking up every hour on the hour.
I thought I had a room mate. She said she found a place in Boise. I'm telling ya, I need to foreclose and get out of this crappy town. Only people in Boise will rent and because of quick generalization, they will not come to Nampa. I am at a loss about what to do. I cannot afford to live here especially because of commuting and the car payments.

Busy Day

Once upon a time in a land not so far away, we did not use the Internet to get information. 18 years ago, there was a super moon. Then there was one again last night. Today, people have the Internet and made an attempt to scare others by saying it was going to cause earthquakes and floods.
People are crazy. I remember when it was 1999 and people were freaking out about the Y2K bug. Seriously? Most programs do have an expiration date in it. Kind of like virus protection programs. People were freaking out saying that criminals would be let out of prison and planes would collide and all that fun jazz. My thought was, would we not know what year it is ourselves? Come on, we are not THAT dependant of computers.
It got to the point that I was starting to worry how the new millennium would begin. Started out okay, now it is crap. I'm currently depending on others to save my ass. I have been thinking a great deal about what a mistake it was to buy a house. I was not educated then to tell someone trying to convince me, "No!"
I am not getting a good response in regards to the car. Some snot said, "That's priced higher than what is in KBB." What a whiny freak! I am smart and I already looked and the price is accurate and lower than what it is worth. I nearly had it sold, but the husband did not like that it was in an accident. I can thank that dickhead from Hailey.
I have been selling random stuff throughout the month to survive. All the money has been going to bills. I put an ad up everywhere. The ad for a room mate has been up for about four months. I am called once every two weeks. People stop talking to me when it comes to the background check. So, guess what kids? I have no choice but to let ANYONE live here.
I'm thinking of giving up on the house.

Catastrophe

Catastrophe is the only word I can think of. Like I said, earth is speaking to us. I don't mean to sound like a hippie or anything. We need to be more green.
My heart goes out to Japan. If I had control over anything, I would be living there getting fat off of sushi. The other comment I have is that people are effing stupid.
Nuclear power? Are you serious? After they have been bombed, people test fate twice by making nuclear power plants. I believe that it is clean, but only to a certain extent. Nuclear power leaves behind waste that nobody can get rid of and in an event when everything goes wrong; puts everyone at risk of radiation.
I was talking to an associate about all the havoc that was breaking out at the plants, she tells me that they are paying people millions of dollars to rebuild it. Really? Well, it would pay for all the bills for when they go to the hospital to be treated for cancer. What a novel idea. Even better, how about use the money to clean up that crap, get rid of it, and replace it with a different source of power. Something clean, that will not harm the planet, and will not harm humans.
In other news, single again. Even guys in other states will flake out on me. My phone receives text just fine. It just drops phone calls.
I am currently working on selling the car, I do not want to have a loan with Wells Fargo anymore. They decided to deny my request to extend a payment. I am talking to some people about what to do about the mortgage. I wish I could just leave the house and be free like everyone else. People are going to other states and have the option to put in their month's notice.

Still Here

Hello everyone, it's been a while since I have been here. I'm sorry if I have been pissy. I feel like I am cornered. So, I am going to bombard you with not so current events.
Are you concerned with the planet? I felt really worried when the birds were falling by the hundreds. It wasn't in just one state either. Earth is speaking to us and it appears to be more and more too late to do anything.
Pirates hijacked a yacht. PBS had a documentary the other day about a guy that is from Somalia where the pirates reside. The area that the pirates are hijacking boats does not have any government. They are taking over the fishing industry and causing financial disaster. There is a man (I think he is a lawyer?)that deals with pirates who hold families for ransom.
I got an idea for that. Somalia needs a Trojan yacht. This yacht should look like an ordinary civilian boat. Inside, a whole deadly arsenal of weapons. Then when the pirates approach this innocent looking boat, BAM!! There you go, your welcome.
I have been watching what is going on in Egypt. As far as I know, this rebellion formed on Facebook. Someone named his new born daughter Facebook, I don't know what to make of that. As I watch this fiasco, it appears to be going more down hill. The guy that they are supporting? He looks like Mel Brooks. He doesn't seem to be funny either, he seems to be a frightening person that is going to cause even more trouble.
Ever since the mob ransacked the museum, I started to think. When I saw the shattered artifacts of King Tut, I began to think even deeper. This all happened before. This happened when King Tut's father was king. Only, people were freaking out when Ankenaton was enforcing the belief in one god called Aton.
He moved the capital from Thebes to another place that is now known as Tel el Armana. I have read that at the time there was a plague and that the Hittites were taking vengeance on the Amonhotep dynasty. There is a theory that Ankenaton was not doing anything about it because he thought his belief would protect him.
People were getting more and more upset. They believed that the Amon faith was punishing them with the plague. There were riots and kidnappings. Taxes were out of control. People were so angry, they made clay pots with the names of Ankhenaton and Nefertiti and they would smash them. I guess they believed it would place a hex on their king.
Whatever might have happened, the capitol was torn down and names were erased after Akhenaton passed away. Thebes began to rebuild with the rubble that was left over from Tel el Armana. Egypt was the richest place until Ankhenaton was king.
I remember learning in school that history repeats itself. I think that people have failed to understand that we need to learn from the mistakes that happened in the past. Since people do not understand, everything is getting worse and worse. Pollution is worse. Who knows if the recession will ever go away. The Middle East is going to end up like Tel el Armana if they don't chill out.

What's Happening

Not much. I have had quite a bit on my mind. Over the weekend, I had this lingering thought in my head of a man in mourning who flipped out on me. I tried to emphasize, but he wasn't having it because his wife passed away and he was the only one on the planet that it happened to.
People are like that when they are in mourning. So, I didn't take it personally. I felt kind of bad for the guy. The only way he could cope was threatening a complete stranger. I did what I could do given the circumstances.
School is going good so far. I have been doing it alone so far. I have been doing good in Algebra, I know it isn't sinking in. It will show during week 9 and when the new Algebra class starts. I was miffed when mom mocked me and asked if I wanted her to hold my hand. In a sense, yes, this class makes me want to go to therapy. I need people to be around for this class because I am confused.
The computer I got a year ago already needs a new battery. I do not have extra money for that. I haven't even got my taxes done yet. I'm scared to death if I am going to afford anything. I am trying to get another room mate and I get maybe one response every two weeks.
Paul was hanging out around here asking for scrap metal. Um...nope...am I fibbing, perhaps. I told him three times to forward his mail. His collection notices are coming here. He was asking me for a few days if he got anything. Then lo and behold, the title of his truck arrived with his name and Sandy's name. This does appear to be deliberate because he hasn't been here since July and his wife's name is on it and she never lived here. I am currently trying to speak with the DMV about that. I am out of minutes by the way.
How come I am out of minutes? Wells Fargo decided to be condescending and gave me the run around. I had to waste an hour going back and forth with them. I spoke with nine different bankers. Technical support decided to stay on the line after a conversation was over. I picked up the phone to make a phone call and UoP was still there. 44 minutes down the drain, thanks, asshole.
Anyway, for the past few days, it appears as though Paul and Sandy are moving. Looks like I am not getting the money back from when I was between work. What isn't fair is that he still doesn't have a job. He was too busy harrassing baby momma to get a job. He was too busy selling things that do not belong to him on Craigslist. No, he was not looking for employment. I do not feel sorry for Sandy. You get what you ask for.
As far as Josh goes, he's not coming back to Idaho. Sick and tired of people just wanting to play. So, I have been going to Myyearbook because I was tired of Plenty of Fish. People want me to drop work and school just to meet them. Drop everything to date someone once?
There is a guy I have been speaking with at random. We have been speaking more this month. His name is Andrew and he is in Arkansas and originally from New Jersey. He was a student and also a musician. Out of every guy I have ever met in my entire life, he spoke with me on the phone and asked me to be his girlfriend.

UoP

I have been stark raving mad at University of Phoenix. The fact about them is that they are aggressive and they stop at nothing to put an innocent bystander into a sticky situation. Here is another fact, I did not know I was going to be going for two years to get my Associates.
Another fact is that FASFA only covers the first year. I am on my own for the second. I never wanted to go back to school in the first place. They were extremely pushy about how better my life will be. It is no better than it was over a year ago. In fact, they completely ruined my social life. In the dating world, people want your direct attention. They want you to drop every single thing you are doing. They do not believe that you do school on the weekend. I am writing papers all week to turn in Sunday, what does that tell you?
I had to take breaks from school. I had to put my house back together again. I had to figure out what was going on with the room mate. He finally came back after a month to tell me that he is moving. I beat him to the punch, his stuff was outside.
The facts are pissing me off about this crappy college. I don't know if I will pass Algebra. When I was speaking to Jen about it she got miffed and told me she was offended and said that I said that she was not helping me. REALLY??? That is what I like to call an Emily Gilbert moment. I did not say she was not helping me, I am doing everything I can to understand class and the whole sticky situation that I want out of. I cannot wait to be done with UoP and I am NEVER going back.
People are always talking about horror stories about this college. I understand it is difficult to transfer credits from them to another college. I am not concerned about that because I don't want to go to college after I get my degree. Another horror story is that employers will not hire a UoP student. Not true. Plenty of it is distance learning and assignments are due by midnight Arizona time. Jobs are concerned with students because of the schedule. UoP students don't need much of an adjustment to the schedule. Unless it is a job with mandatory overtime, that is when it is exhausting and accommodations need to be made.
The only horror story that is valid is the fact that they have no mercy. I think the college thing is a scam. People make an excuse that every job you need a Bachelors degree. It has to be a scam put on by the US government. They suck you in with this grant money only to leave you with another year that you have to pay for.

When It Rains, It Pours

It's been a while since I have been here. I have been trying to get crap together for class and hopefully a new room mate. I don't know if I'll ever do the room mate thing again.
My trusty Toyota decided to give me crap the other day. I was going to go to the store to get stuff to finish the kitchen. The moment I try to start it, it won't. The moment that happened, dad was calling my phone. (I was going to call him to ask for help moving the bed.)
I wait for a few hours for him. I call the health insurance company. They have not sent me ANY documents about my insurance and I went to the doctor because it's been about two years since I had seen one. Of course, they will not cover it because it is out of network. It took THREE phone calls to get to someone who told me if I met a $1,500 deductible they will cover the $150???
Think about it, I qualify for 20% off because of my wage and it was $150 afterwards. GIVE ME A BREAK! Whoever made those rules up to pay $1,500 is the dumbest person in the world. I worked $16 once and had health insurance that had a $20 co-pay and no deductible. I want that insurance back. Now, I make $10 an hour which makes me eligible for assistance and they expect a huge deductible.
So, when I finally reach someone intelligent after being transferred by a fucktard, my phone dropped the call. It does not matter where I am, the calls drop. At this point I am LIVID. I am so tired of calling Sprint. They already had an issue with a nationwide outage of texts. I can't communicate on the phone because it drops calls 75% of the time. The LG Rumor Touch is a piece of shit and I want my agreement waived.
I call them and they were asking if I could take it in. No, the car is dead and I am waiting for help. I'm supposed to be finishing things before school. I'm supposed to be brushing up an Algebra.
Dad finally arrives. He looks and says my gas tank is empty. No it's not, I just filled it. He takes the fuel line apart, nearly breaks it, and finds that the fuel line is dry. Great, money that I do not have.
We called the dealership and they want $94 for diagnostic. We try to start the car again. I kept turning the key until it came back to life again. Yay! So, I go drop off my phone and one of my headlights are out. I had to go all the way to Autozone to get a new bulb and all the way back to get my phone back.
After all of that crap, I had a Margarita.

Despite the Situation

So, the situation is that Roger has not called back and I got a forwarding address for him. I will take this as his notice. He is supposed to be back on Monday, I think he was trying to pick a day that I was gone. I will have my army here, you'll see. Hopefully, my army will hold up until Wednesday. If he does not arrive, I am picking up his stuff and putting it in a box in the driveway. The locks will be changed for the time being. Take that, and let that be a reminder to all those STUPID room mates who want to do the same thing.
As I recall, I can store his stuff elsewhere. I will just store it outside because my house is not a storage unit for all those rednecks out there. I tried to have the step sister stay, but she is in trouble again.
I got some cool stuff yesterday. I got to try Wen and it is awesome. If only I had more time to try it all the time. I smell yummy now.
I took my quiz for Management of Information Systems. It made me realize how pointless having the class was. Half of the information in the quiz was discussed in class while the other half I had to figure out on my own. I would have read the material, but the assignments were stacked up throughout the week. Despite having one class, I still did not have enough time to do it all. Algebra starts tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I must call Fidelity. It looks like the same website I was on before with another company. So, I need to give them a call to see what I need to do and to tell them that I do not want stocks. The last time I had stocks I lost them as soon as I lost my job. I should have closed it before I got fired for no apparent reason.
The plus news is that I have the house to myself. The bad news is, I will have a hard time affording it. Minimum payments for the cards until someone else moves in.
I also started to trade stuff online. So far, it's been pretty good. I have received Something's Got To Give and a copy of Eyes of the Dragon. I am supposed to be received Buying the Cow and a Cyndi Lauper CD here soon. Something to keep me happy.